Just one more birthday....

Let me guide you through the story of a boy and his curse

Tiny diamond in his stroller with his first step chasing the hearse

Sippin' at a cup that's half way filled

But looking forward to the day he pays that drinking bill

There's no peace, there's no quiet on this earth

He confided, nestled tightly in that womb beneath the dirt

Hurt no more and when he turned 24

He wrote a note to nail to God's front door that said

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

From the high paying job and the love of his life

He rode a roller coaster ride of lust on their wedding night

They made a baby in unmentionable ways

He was ungrateful as a man could be on that blessed day

And underneath he thought this is all a phase

Just a blip in the existence of a structure vast and great

Pray each night to his cross of a charm

For the one thing he couldn't afford just to buy the farm

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

I'll never lose another friend again

Or watch them start a war that's fought for ideals that are dead

I'll never have an argument again

Because my dust

will be your salt

My blood will hydrate you off

My heart will be your meal

And I won't ride the cycle of the way it kills to think and feel

No more, no

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

One sweet day his heart ceased to beat

He fell so fast beneath all our feet

Through bugs and snakes

Last words he had to say were

Help me claw my way to the surface

Oh sweet lord you know I deserve this

Just one more, just one more birthday

Shake it up...

I am sooo lucky.

This holiday season I have felt incredibly Lucky.

Lucky:

to have my family.

to have Amazing friends that are more like family to me.

to be alive.

to have people in my life that care about me.

I just want to say Thank You to all of you!

Banana

Nix

Marmar

Vic

Jesse

Lea

My family.

Everyone who enriches my life purely by being in it.

Thank You.

I am surrounded by warmth and love.

I am sooo grateful and humbled.

This year has been a very conflicting year for me.

I have had my ups and downs but the important things remain constant.

This has past Christmas been the most magical for me.

It remind me of when a feeling I would get as a kid.

I would preform in talent shows and on those nights, I would sing or dance.

At the end of my performance, a member of my family would come up to the stage bringing with them a bouquet of flowers for me.

I would go to sleep those nights with such a high.

I would wake up the next morning and feel like it was all a beautiful dream,

and then I would see the flowers.

Here is a music video/commercial I fell in love with that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

As the new year approaches

I am faced with things I would like to sweep under the rug and forget about.

Friday I'm turning 24 years old, It's really weird to think that I will be 24.

It's sounds so grown up.

My birthday is generally kind of depressing for me.

I don't know why that is, but it's always been that way.

I don't really do a whole lot on my birthday even though it is a holiday.

I usually have dinner with my fam and then hang out around the house.

Hahaha, I sound so lame.

but really, I enjoy hanging out with my family.

Although this year it's going to be slightly different because I am going to dinner with the family on Saturday instead of Friday so I have no plans on my birthday...

which kinda sucks..

but I'll make the best of it.

Maybe I'll gather some friends and drag them out to the bar.

^_^

We shall see.

Total eclipse of the... Moon....

I'm currently watching Donnie Darko....

I forgot what a great movie this is, some of these actors are now well known actor's.
Seth Rogan, Ashley Tisdale, Jake Gyllenhaal, Patrick Shwayze, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jerry Trainor of Icarly, Drew Barrymore, Jena Malone It's kinda crazy.
But anyway... I wanted to talk about the Luna eclipse we had the other day...
It was so magical!!! I got some amazing shots with my canon!
Here they are!

Isn't that Amazing...
It makes me love the randomness that is out universe just that much more.

You are the Ornament to my Christmas tree....

So a few months ago
I signed up for a Ornament swap
through a blog called Freshlyblended
In the swap you have to design a handmade ornament
that you can make multiples of
and send them to the people in your assigned group.
I thought this was soooo Awesome.

I wanted my ornament to be something that you wouldn't normally see in the store.
So I made my ornaments and Today I finally sent them out.
I'm not going to post any pictures of the Ornaments quite yet,
I dont want to ruin it for my other group members.
^_^
I have to admit I am kind of proud of them.
Eeep.
I love getting the package in the mail and opening it only to discover a new Ornament.
When I get all of them I will do a post about them!
So Excited!

Here are what the packages look like:

(Aren't they cute!)

At the post office heading to their new homes... *Sniff*

*Side note* I want to package everything like this now...

A stabbing pain that says I lack

I don't usually talk about my relationships (Past or Present) on my blog

but it's something I have been thinking about a lot lately

So to put my mind at ease here I go.

I was recently dating someone.

This is the first real dating I had done since my last relationship.

I thought the dates went well but I guess I was mistaken.

(I really liked him)

It just got me thinking...

and thinking for me is very bad...

I tend to dwell on things to the point where I over analyze...

but anyway the conclusion I have come to is...

I am unlucky in love.

At this point I feel like there has to be something wrong with me...

I am aware that I'm not perfect

I am stubborn, slightly pessimistic and can be moody

But I am also a good person.

I am easy going, fairly smart, creative, funny, honest and generous.

So I don't quite understand why I'm single.

Maybe I don't put myself out there enough or maybe It's just not in the cards for me.

I started looking back at past relationships to see what went wrong.

and here are reasons some of the relationships didn't work

1. I was trying to be something that I wasn't.

2. He couldn't accept me the way I was.

3. I wasn't ready for a relationship and I regret that.

(The only guy who ever treated me right)

4. He was to attached to me and that scared me

5. He used me and I let him.

6. They led me on

Most of my relationships ended badly and we couldn't remain friends,

I found that some of them resented me after the relationship.

I would even go as far as to say they hate me.

I could never really understand why,

I mean If I broke up with them I was just be honest with myself and the way I felt.

Whats the point of leading them on.

It would only hurt them and me more later.

It's just really disappointing, I always end up getting hurt.

Right when I start to let a guy past my defences, they just let me down.

It never fails, and now I expect it.

I don't want to be the girl that has been burned so many times, she cant let anyone in.

I fear that I am becoming just that.

I am very independent and I have a hard time asking for help.

I do not need a man

but it would be nice to have someone to share those little moments in life with.

Guys say they want the nice girl but I'm learning different.

*Side note* If you don't like me just tell me, I won't be upset, I promise.

Just don't have me believing that you do.

Not to mention its a waste of my time.

Why me....

Defeat is written on her face as she looks at the computer screen...

Her eye's become glossy and tears well up on the bottom lashes.

She turns her face upward and let's out a sigh of anguish.

She pushes the laptop off of her in disgust and gets out of the bed.

She stands for a moment swaying on her feet.

As if an imaginary sting has been cut she falls to the floor as her body goes limp.

That's where her parents found her two hours later.

Her face pressed into the hardwood floor as she sobs silently.

A few hours later...

The men picked her up and placed her on a gurney.

They rolled her out of the room, her mother and father stood by helplessly

watching their eldest daughter wrapped in a crisp white straight jacket.

Her face was pale and her eyes were wide and red.

She was speaking in a hurried whispers as she passed them.

She whispered "I missed it, I missed it, how could I miss it."

Her words began to blur into each other as if she was speaking another language.

The above story (that I just wrote) is how I feel on the inside....

The reason you ask...

So Max Bemis is doing solo shows in Feb...

They went on sale today at 1pm....

I forgot...

So now... *Sob* I can't go.....

I can't believe I forgot!!!!

I am super mad at myself....

Sooo bummed...

I missed it....

*Side note* I dyed the back of my hair blue, I was really happy about that until this happened... life sucks right now....

You wanted arts and crafts, How's this for arts and crafts?

So it's been a kinda crazy week for me.

I have been running around trying to get things ready for the craft show

this Sat. December 11th at White Plains High School.

I am really excited!

Ok so that aside I also have to get my Xmas stuff ready!

I feel like I have barely had anytime for myself.

There are so many things I have to still do for the show for Sat. and it feels like I'll never finish.

Also

Last friday I went to see My Chemical Romance for the first time in a few years

and they were AmAzing!! I love them sooo much!

I took soo many pictures! but I kinda dont know exactly where my camera is at this moment

but when I find it I will edit the post and include some photo's.

^_^

So I've gotta jet. Lots of this to do today and there are not enough hours in a day.

^_~

Talk to all of you soon!

Xoxoxo

*Side note* Changing things up a little. Talk to ya about it soon!

I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place

So I have been posting a lot of vids lately...
and now I'm going to add 2 more. ^_^
These 2 vids are ones that I am currently obsessed with.
The first is by Middle Class Rut "New low"



and the second is by The Parlotones "Push me to the floor". Enjoy!



*Side note* My Chemical Romance Tonight!!

My mind is open wide and now i'm ready to start...

I had a lovely day in the city with my mother today
We started on 12th street
and we walked downtown (of course stopping in shops along the way) to Broome street.
Our mission was simple, we were heading to Topshop to get my christmas present.
I had seen it on the website and fell in love with it.
Let me show you...
Knitted Lace Insert Jumper - Topshop USA

It was really love at first sight, haha I'm getting so romantic over a sweater.
But anyway we found it and we purchased!
I also dragged my mother into Lush, I'm working on converting her. ^_~

Oh, and as we were walking downtown I saw a cupcake cart and I bought us Mini cupcakes.
Only to see my favorite cupcake truck a few blocks later.
Sooo typical.
Anyway...

So after all the shopping and wandering that we did we went into my fave place for a bite to eat...
Chipotle!
Then we walked back to the car,
Where I realised we forgot to do something
I had wanted to stop at Union Square Park to check out the Holiday Fair that they have there every year.
Every year I buy a Trinity Knot something for myself.
They have a booth there that sells Celtic jewlery but alas it will have to wait.
I have until Xmas to get one.

Well this got me thinking of some of the things that I want to do....
So here is a short list of things that I want to do before the New year:

1. Go to Holiday Fair
2. Go on one of the Haunted walking tours in NY
link here---> GhostofNY
3. Get back into skating... Slowly of course... I don't need to injure myself.... Again.
4. Go to the Aquarium
5. Celebrate my Birthday/New year with the people I care about.

*Side note* I went on a date last Friday, that was pretty Awesome.... ^_^

These are a few of my favorite things...

I think the post title says it all
So with no further ado and in no particular order
Here it goes:

Cupcakes
I don't know when exactly my love of cupcakes began, but I am currently obsessed with a bakery in Pleasentville called Flour and Sun bakery. Their Red Velvet cupcakes are out of this world!

Trinity Knots
When I was younger my family would rent a house for a week in the Hampton's, on one of our shopping trips, I was with my Grandma Gerry and I fell in love with a pair of earrings.
I begged my grandmother for them incessantly I remember her saying "Your never going to wear them" I replied "I'll wear them everyday" She eventually caved and bought them for me.
I wore those earrings for most of my childhood and I still have them. My collection of trinity knot has grown since then.

My Hairstylist
Mini, she is Awesome, the first time I ever went to her I was Extremely sick. I was running a ridiculous fever and I had set up the appointment in advance because my schedule at that time crazy and I wouldn't have time to do it another day. So I went despite feeling so craptastic. We had to stop several times because I felt like I was going to pass out. Despite all of that she did my hair amazingly well, she is the only person I trust with my hair.

Going to Concerts
I am going to sound like a total hippie but the energy that flows through the crowd at a show is like nothing I have ever experienced. You go through so many emotions : Elation, Sadness, Camaraderie and even Singularity.

Used book stores
I love the smell of all of the old books, digging through the miss matched stacks, finding a book that you read a long time ago, discovering your new favorite book. Being in a used bookstore brings me to a place of utter and complete calm. I love it.

You push me over and I crack...

Say Anything...

I think I can officially say that they are my favorite band.

I have been to so many of their shows that I have lost track.

I was able to record some of their show when I saw them last week, unfortunately the sound is quite craptastic.. I was right under the speakers. but look at how close I was... eep!

So first a message from Max (that sounds good)

*Sigh* aren't they amazing....

ok ok i'm done being a dork... for today at least...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind....

So I have become obsessed with this song and when I saw the video..

It became a problem.... any day now I expect my sister to stab me.

I just think it's such an amazing video, so inspiring, not to mention amazingly done.

Such a great way to translate the song.

I think my favorite segment of the video is when the guy is getting mugged by the three guys and he starts doing magic. Lol It makes me smile every time.

I am incredibly jealous of the lovely Katy Perry. I just think she is so talented and creative.

Well I think I'm going to stop gushing here.... I'm going to go watch this video again.

You should watch it too...

Take Me Out!

Thing's like this make me love the city I live in even more! I love you, New York!

*Side note* I got my tickets last week and forgot to mention it. So Say Anything here I come

*Side side note* I miss you Jesse! and send me the link to your new blog, I can't find it!

For a minute there I lost myself.... I lost myself....

So I'm kinda depressed lately...

I just don't want to talk to anyone, I feel myself slowly fold into myself.

It's like when something works out, something shitty happens

I got my Say Anything tickets in the mail and

then my car gets a flat at night next to a cemetery.

I find out that My Chemical Romance is going to be in New York in December

(Live Nation contacted me with the presale)

and I was and am pretty excited.

The tickets are like $50, then I get a ticket for running a red light in the mail.

There goes $50...

I know that was my fault but it's just like can't I catch a break.

I just... gahh... I want to dig a hole stick my head in it and pretend I don't exist.

Maybe I'll just do that.

I think I hate myself right now...

I hate where I'm at...

I am self sabotaging....

I feel like crap...

Things are becoming more apparent to me...

and they are hard things to face...

I am trying to make myself happy but failing miserably...

I don't know what to do anymore...

I just want to lay in bed and cry....

I want to cry until my eyes are dry and they hurt.

I feel like a failure at life and I don't know how to make it better..

I'm lost....

My starry eyes were sacrificed....

So I am kinda pissed.....

I haven't gotten my Say Anything tickets in the mail yet

and

I ordered them in like July or something...

The show is November 9th...

I should have had my tickets way before now...

I find my self scouring the mail like a crazy person

*Enter Scenario*
The Dog goes crazy, like most dogs , Luna despises the Mailman.

"Luna calm down!" I say as I shake my head.

I know that it is pointless to tell her because she won't.

I look outside to see the mailman walking away from the house.

I think to myself...

"Maybe it's here today... just maybe..."
I rip the mail out of the box and the madness begins

I scan all the names on all the envelopes pausing ever so slightly when I come to the ones with my grandmothers name

(her name is Delia and as you know mine is Delilah)

all of this takes place in a matter or mere seconds.

I go through the finally letter and the disappointment creeps in.

I think "Maybe I overlooked it"

So I begin again only slightly slower, and I pause at my grandmothers name again..

Frustration now takes the place of disappointment.

I throw the mail down on the coffee table and

I think "Maybe tomorrow..."

*End*

This has been going on for a few weeks....

Where the hell is my Tix!!!!

I don't think i ask for a whole lot... I just want my Ticket....

*Side note* Yes i am aware that i have seen Say anything like a million times but evertime is better then the last...Sigh.....

Wheeler Video!!!

So Flippin Cute!!!!

I shot this vid today and had to post it... Enjoy!

Wish upon a star but...Do you know what stars are?

I'm disgusted...

Today I had a wake up call and things are going to change

I can't go on like this.... I will not go on like this.

I'm am soo over it.

I need to make an exit strategy and bail.

I am wasting away in this and this is not how I planned to go down

But I have to do what is in my best interest because no one else is going to.

I am responsible for my own happiness and right now I don't think I'm happy...

I feel like the sand castle I built is finally crumbling and I need to get out before I get buried...

I realize most people have no Idea what I am talking about and that's ok.

What is important is that I am at a transitional stage of my life and what I do now will determine

the next few years of my life....I hope I make the right decisions

It's Pivotal....

Starbucks Fail....

So I just got back from what I thought would be a enjoyable Starbucks visit...

I was wrong...

I walked into Starbucks all happy and ordered my usual Peppermint Hot Chocolate

So I move over to the pick up area...

as I did so I was listening (as I often do) to the conversation going on behind the counter

The cashier tells the Barista(who reminded me of Seth Rogen) my order and he replies

"Dude, I don't even know what the last people ordered"

So the Cashier repeats their order as well as mine.

He kinda looked at him with a "Your a waste of my time" look on his face.

So the Barista starts making drinks at a snails pace...

All the while he is chatting to the other people waiting to get their drinks.

so he makes them their drinks and the girl makes a face and he said

"I can see you not to thrilled about that drink, how about I make you something else"

(In my head i'm like i've been standing here 5 F***ing minutes how about you make my drink)

She was all like "Sure, do i pay extra?"

and then he said "No don't worry about it" (insert grin here)

So about 2 minutes later he says "Peppermint Mocha"

I look around like who else loves peppermint...

I look back at him and he's staring dead at me... So I say

"Is that mine?"

"Yeah"

"Oh, you mean Peppermint Hot Chocolate"

"No, Peppermint Mocha"

"I ordered a Peppermint Hot Chocolate"

He looks at the cashier, who at this point just looks at him in hopes that he will burst into flames.

He then said "She ordered a Peppermint Hot Chocolate"

At this point I just want to get the heck out of there, so I said.

"It's fine, I'll just take this"

The cashier (Who looked like he felt sorry for me) says "you know it has coffee in it?"

To which I reply "Yeah it's fine, don't worry about it, It's not that big of a deal"

(It was a big deal)

I didn't want that barista to make me anything else, most likely he would only mess it up and I was so over it... I just wanted to leave.

So I take my Peppermint Mocha which Sucked and

Walked back to my car with disappointment and defeat in my heart.

So Yeah that's my sad tale of woe.

If he had just made my drink right... It would have made my day better.

*Side note* My sewing machine has been in the shop and I miss it....

Can I get close to you...

I have a new love in my life... and his name is Wheeler.

My new hamster!!

He is so flippin cute, i just love him....

also...

I have fallen in love with this song and i had to share...

So this has been a pretty uneventful post but I will take some pics of Wheeler soon.

so get Amped... Cause I am!!

*Side note* Wheeler is adorable!!!

Cool Coffee sleeve

Today I made this awesome Reusable Coffee Sleeve!!!

This is the First project that I am trying with my new Sewing machine.

and I am so excited to try other projects!

Isn't it Cute! ^_^

Cityscape forever gray.... Stuck in time, stuck inside my mind...

Tonight Glee comes on!!

Which fills me with Gleeeeeee!!

and after that... My new fave show!

Raising Hope

If you haven't seen it, you should watch the episodes you missed on Fox.com

or

just tune in tonight.

So I have to tell you a small and uneventful story that made my week.

(It takes very little to make me happy)

So like a month ago I was surfing the web and I came across a quilting blog.

http://www.delightfuldisarray.blogspot.com/

and there was a piece that I fell in love with

and in my head I'm all like yeah I want to do that!!

Let me see if I can include a pic:

So anyway the fabric she used was this carnival themed one and I wanted it.

(As you know I now have a sewing machine)

I scoured the Internet looking for it to no avail.

Saddened and dismayed I gave up.

So I was on the blog last night and looking in the sidebar

I found a link for a website called Fabricworm.com

I was cruising around checking out all the cool and funky fabric

Still thinking about that Carnival themed fabric... sad.

I kept looking at all the fabric and that's when a choir of angels

descended from heaven and began to sing.

There it was my dream fabric.

http://fabricworm.com/kolatrcocagr.html

So life complete

*Side note* I am in love with Katie Costello...I lesss then 3 her....

Whats up, Blog!

So I feel like al ot of things have been going on but in reality I'm not so sure..
Well I was in my first craft show!!
I think it was a great experience all around
I really felt like I put myself out there more then I ever have before.
Here are some pic's:

My friend Nix went to England. T-T
My car got a new steering wheel column.
I saw American Idiot the Bway play (Loved it!!)
I remodeled my room with the help of my friend MarMar (A lot of help(Thanks!!!))
My hermit crab passed on...bye Opal
My little cousin Isabella started walking
I went to some Carnivals
My car got 4 new tires
I also discovered that my car needs 2 sway bar links and a new spring... Lovely.
Finally figured out how to start closing this blanket I've been working on for a year.
I went apple picking.
I got a new cell phone.
I finally bought a song shop song!
and the last thing I can think of is that I got a new sewing machine!!

So that's everything that's been going on,
I've been happy and content
but something is not right or maybe somethings missing...
I don't know what it is but at least now I feel like I'm finally moving in the right direction.
I am taking control of my life, i'm not going to let it lead me blind anymore.

On a lighter note, the weather is finally just the way I like it
Its time for coco and sweaters and hoodies!
I love it!
So my darlings I will leave you with the promise that I will be updating more frequently like I used to! Sorry!!

*Side note* I still want to learn french...

Don't you know i'm not your ghost anymore...

Ok so I'm totally in love with this song...

BTW I'm sorry I have been totally neglecting my blogity blog. I am planning on sitting down tomorrow and writing a real post, I have some many things to update you on.

So my dears I apologize, and expect a big old fat update with pictures!!

Collect 365 Moments

I want to talk for a minute about an photography project that I started a few days ago,
Basically I will be taking a photo of people that I do not know for 365 days.
I'm really excited about this because It forces me to go out every day and take a picture.
It's easy and hard at the same time
because I get so many good shots
I can't decide which ones to pick for the picture of the day.
So If you have a chance please check out my project at

www.Collect365.blogspot.com

and here are some shots that didn't make it as picture of the day today!

Boy Meets Bookshelf

Accident waiting to happen

Silent reading moment

What has this world come to....

Today I found out some really heart breaking news...

The Associated Press Friday, August 27, 2010; 8:58 PM

"LIMA, Peru -- Police in Peru say two Roman Catholic priests have been stabbed to death inside a historic monastery two blocks from the capital's main square.
The victims are identified as Ananias Aguila of Peru and Linan Ruiz of Puerto Rico.
Homicide department chief Miguel Canlla says they were slain before dawn Friday. Police suspect a robbery, but Canlla did not say whether objects of value were missing.
The two clerics ran a soup kitchen for the poor, and Ruiz directed religious youth groups.
They were slain at the San Francisco monastery. It is a popular tourist stop with religious paintings, sculptures and ornamentation dating to the 16th century."

One of these amazing human beings was my great uncle, Linan Ruiz.

He was a good man and although I only met him a few times in my life,

I have very fond memories of him.

He devoted his life to helping people and I have so much respect for that.

He never thought of himself and was willing to go without in order for someone to have something that they need.

This is a tragedy, and I think what bothers me most is the way the news is so cold about it.

He was not just a priest, He was a man of god, he fought for what he believed in, and he had a family that loved him dearly. He will be greatly missed by every member of my family and I'm sure by everyone he has ever helped.

I don't understand why this had to happen to him, I have so many unanswered questions.

Where were the guards that were supposed to be guard the monastery?

What kind person would steal from people who did so much for the community?

My mother told me that they were across from the police department, where were they?

This could have been avoided and it makes me question things like humanity, goodwill and why things like this happen to good people.

Looking to my future.....

So tonight I went to a Psychic to get my palm read.
She started by tell me about my character she said
" You are a genuine and generous and you are very self less person and I see you in a career taking car of people."

Pretty good so far, right.
she continued
" I see that you are going to live a long life, your parents have very high expectations of you"

God does she live in my house!

"You are not a materialistic person and you will be content with a job that allows you to live comfortably."

Sounds about right

she then asked me to make a wish
and I did! (but I won't tell you ^_~)

" I see you thinking about 2 guys lately" I told her one of them
" one of the guys name starts with an A"
(I don't know who that is)
"I see a lot of guys looking at you (one works with cars) but you are guarded, you need to let your guard down."

she then said that she saw me taking classes soon

(I have been planning on going back to school, soon)

"I like the group of friends that you are keeping, they are honest and genuine people"
"This year you are going to figure out the direction that you are meant to go in, no more question marks"
" I see you getting married at 28 and no divorce or separation"

she ended it with

" I see you living a long and happy life"

Kinda Crazy... I think I will go back in a few months and get my tarot cards read ^_^

I guess he's an Xbox, and I'm more like Atari....

Just finished hearing this song and I think it is soo funny!

Instant Love!!

My Latest Work

Let me know what you guys think, I have better pictures on my flick, the link is in the side bar.

Critique's welcome!!

Thought I was lost but I was stranded...

Sometimes at night when everyone is asleep but me,

I feel the need to bake something

The whole process is very soothing to me.

Gathering all the ingredients and then mixing it all in a bowl,

it's probably the only time my mind settles down,

I feel like I can breathe normally when I bake or cook.

I was thinking about people, I believe that people are generally good.

That the things and people that they encounter is what shapes them, and how they learn to handle pain and their life is what sets them apart.

Think about it a "Bad Child" is usually a child that is acting out.

They want attention and they will do any means to get it no matter how they hurt themselves or others. They are literally starving attention not unlike a dry sponge.

So why do we think in terms of Good people and bad people?

I mean If someone had just taken that "Bad Child" aside and gave him just a smidgen of attention. Who knows what kind of change that would have made in his life.

Hitler was a artist, he applied 7 times to art school and he got denied every time.

Hitler became...well, Hitler.

What if he would have gotten into art school?

We will never know but there will always be a "What if" factor.

I believe in humanity. I believe in kindness.

but I'm not naive.

I realize that not everyone can be trusted.

and that I think is a shame.

*Side note* Just saw "Eat, Pray, Love. and it was a great movie.

And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears

Time, such a little word but it is also big.

We are all bound by it and I don't think a single person can say different.

(unless your a Vampire)

It's amazing how we all feel like time passes so quickly and at moments not at all.

For me right now, it feels like I'm floating in Jello. ^_^

but for someone else it feels like they have been put in the VCR to fast forward

There are even people that want to be re winded.

Me personally I just want to look back on my life and see if I was happy.

If I was then I did something right.

and I realize that you can't be happy all the time.

My mom thinks I'm sitting in a daze with dreams that are ridiculous, and to a point she's right.

But I am all too aware of the fact that

I have started to grow roots in the spot that I am standing in.

lol if I raise my arms I resemble a tree.

People tend to put such a emphasis's on time when they should really be putting emphasis's on Their quality of life, healthy relationships with the people in their life,

living life to the fullest and making sure they squeeze every drop of Fun/Sadness/Excitement/Sorrow/Happiness out of it.

Yeah I know you're thinking "how did Sorrow and Sadness sneak in there?"

It's important to feel those to,

I don't cry a whole lot, but when I do I cry as if I have have to get every drop of water out of me. lol.

So right now I am enjoying my Jello-y prison and I know that if a few weeks time I'm going to have to grab an spoon and dig myself out. ^_^

So What it all boils down to STOP!! worrying about the Future and more about the Now.

No one can tell you whats going to happen in the future and life likes to throw you curve balls.

So enjoy the present.

What's that saying.... The past is history, the future's mystery, the present is a gift....

So go ahead and unwrap it already!!

*Side note* Yes, I wrote this for you. ^_~

Life should be that simple...I wish it were just so simple

At a Flea market in Tarrytown NY, I found a old Polaroid Colorack Camera..
that looks alot like the one below.

So I took it for a spin last week while I was in Cape May, NJ, Vacaing with Fam. After some research I found the film for it and I was ready. I really didn't know what to expect at first because I had never used a camera like this.

At first pack of film (which is 10 exp, like most Polaroid film) Well.. it reeally didn't turn out so well... they were out of focus and i didn't hold the shutter down long enough... So yeah. by the Second roll I had gotten the hang of it and I wanted to share some of the pic's I took with it.
So here we go:

Aren't the cool!! Needless to say..... but going to be said anyway... I love this Camera!!!!

I can't wait to get more film so I can take more pic's!!

You can judge all the world on the sparkle that you think it lacks

Ok so I lost my head for a while but I am totally cool.

My knee is like 10x better!

Yay for healing!

So I am watching this crazy show on Animal Planet called Monster inside of me.

What genius decided to create this show, it's all about parasites that people have contracted.

It skeeves me out and give me the Hebe jibes

(Did I spell that right, maybe someone from the 1950's can tell me!)

So yeah I have been working on a lot of paintings (pic's to come soon)

This is really just a quick update on what has been going on, and it seems that I haven't really said much of anything.

Oh I will be going away this weekend I am heading out to Cape May, New Jersey.

Ewww...Jersey.... Lol

^_^

Ok Bye...

*Side note* I need more bottle caps....

We are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls...

I'm really upset right now, I'm just thinking about my knee and googling everything I can possibly find on ACL injury's. I know I am being obsessive, but I just want to get better.

I'm worried that my knee will never be the same.

All the things I read online are putting into my head that my ACL is torn and If its torn bad enough I could need surgery. I am so over this shit.

I don't want to have surgery nor can I afford it. I am in this horrible place mentally. All I do is think about my knee.

I went to the emergency room in South Dakota, and this is probably the New Yorker in me, but I feel like the doctor kind of dismissed me to quickly.

So I feel like he didn't carefully look over the xrays.

He said it was just a bad sprain.

He wanted me to walk on it right away and I was in such pain that I really wasn't capable.

He gave me a ace bandage and a boot out of the hospital.

Granted my knee does feel a lot better then when I was in SD,

but what if it's healing wrong or It really is torn.

I still can't fully extend my leg and that worries the shit out of me.

But I have no Insurance , so how am I supposed to know how it's progressing.

If you know me then you know my mind runs a thousand miles a minute.

So imagine how I'm feeling right now..

So I am in Crazy lady panic mode... but you wouldn't know it by looking at me.

*Side note* What if I never walk normally again.....

The people in my life have to keep me grounded...

Or else I would float away....
It's true...

I can be so ridiculous sometimes...
and I'm starting to realize that and that scares me...

I have been away for the past few weeks and just a few days into my trip,
I fell and sprained my knee very badly.
It was a total bummer and it made my trip kinda suck a little bit.
I'm still not fully recovered..
and I have just learned that I incapable of sitting still...
It's a problem when I'm trying to heal...
it's taking sooo long...
at this point I'm trying to heal my self using sheer willpower...It's not working....

So yeah... thats whats really been going on.

so heres a list of things I wish I could do right this moment...
1. Swim
2. Jump on a trampoline
3. Run
4. Go to the city
5. Hang out in Brooklyn w/ my Great Grandma

Here's a list of things I have to do
1. Clean my room
2. Find a job
3. Make word bubble chalk boards
4. Get my oil changed
5. Color my hair back to normal

*Side Note* I love Painting my Nails!!

I'm in love and given away....

Right now I am away from home and I have been for a few days.
I am currently in South Dakota and on my way to Custer state park.
So far the trip has been amazing!
We started in Deadwood and we took a road trip to Devils tower, where close encounters of the third kind was filmed, and we did a mile hike around the whole tower.
We also went into an old gold mine.
It was a fantastic experience!
I am kinda shocked that I am having such a good time.
To be honest I thought it would be kind of boring, but happily I have been proved wrong!
The first day I was a bit nausaus, because we are so high up compared to NY.
I was told this is becasue I was am to being at sea level.
I am going to be traveling for another week or so,
and I have a ton more places that I am going to be visiting.
Check my Flickr for picture updates!
www. Flickr.com/Fairyflames4
I have already posted some pics of my trip thus far!
Well I will talk to you guys soon!
*Side note* I miss NY a little...

She can still here that Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983.

Been Really busy Creating things for the craft show on City Island. I am really excited, but the adverse effect of that is that I have been neglecting my blog and I feel bad about that, so here is a real life story...

So I was at the gas station the other morning,

I was busy pumping my gas when I looked up and noticed this guy staring at me, I quickly looked away and finished pumping my gas.

I walked to the drivers side of the car and I hear someone shout "Hey" behind me.

I ignore it and hear it again.

I looked and it was that same guy that was staring at me, and he says

"It's been a long time, how are you?"

"Umm.. I don't know you"

" yeah, your Lisa, right"

"Umm, no"

" oh sorry"

"It's cool, Bye"

It had to be on of the most bizarre verbal exchanges I have ever had with another human being

that's not to say I have had many exchanges with non human beings...or have I....

so yeah that's my story... ttyl

*Side note* I am going to be going away, so you might not hear from me for a while but I promise to be more vigilant.

Somethings missing in me, I felt it deep within me as lovers left me to bleed...alone....

The title of this post is from my most recent fave song,

the song is called "Missing" by Flyleaf.

The song is AmAzing!

I found this on Flyleaf's page, this is what they had to say about this song:

"Missing" is another song that shows how important love and life are. The hook is massive, but there's more to it. Lacey continues, "The bridge says "Down here love wasn't meant to be for me, all is vanity underneath the sun." The phrase makes you ask 'What would the world be like if we took love out of it?' Love is painful. It requires work. It's selfless. Even though it's difficult, if you take that out of the earth you're going to end up with nothing. C.S. Lewis said, 'The only place in all of the world where you can escape the dangers of love is hell.'"

So inspiring, they are actually a Christian rock band and a lot of their songs are about God.

People that know me know that I am not a very religious person, that's not to say I don't have my beliefs, but for some reason Flyleaf's music just speaks to me, even the religious ones.

"All around me" was one of my fave songs for a while, every time I listened to it something felt like it was knocking down walls inside of me trying to get out,

I feel happy and jovial after I hear it. I know it sounds weird but whatever.

I can go on and on about them, but you should really check them out for yourself.

*Side Note* I seemed to have forgotten that there is such a thing called Youtube, so here is the Video for Missing

The Worst day of my life.... thus far...

The worst day...

I was around 14 years old, I lived in westchester and went to High School in Manhattan, so every morning I would get up @ 6am and grab the Bus to 23rd Street. The ride was about an hour long so normally I would go to sleep while on the bus.

So one night on my way home I fell asleep, When I woke up I realized I had missed my bus stop and was way far from my house. I remember it was raining that night, and I was still new to westchester.

I got off at the next stop and called my house to try and get someone to pick me up

No one answered, I called my parents cell phone's and no answer. Being a lowly H.S student I had like no money on me to even take a bus.

I threw my hood over my head and with my shoulder slouched I started to walk toward the direction that my house was in. After a while of walking, I was soaked, my shoes were squeaking and my clothes were heavier, I tried calling home again, to no avail.

I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

So in the dark, while it rained, I kept walking and then I started to cry.

My sadness turned anger, my tears that came from feeling alone and deserted like no one cared became these angry tears.

I was mad at myself for crying, I was mad at my parents who didn't seem to notice that their child was mising. I was mad at how cliche it was to be crying in the rain at night.

I was angry at the universe.

Eventually my phone died, after about 2 hours of walking I got home. I walked into my house dripping, and there was my mom, so casual saying hello to me.

As if it was normal for me to walk in the house at 8pm, when I got out of school at 2:30 and usually got home by 4pm. I was Furious, I yelled for about 20 mins on how I had to walk all the way home in the rain.

All my mother had to tell me "who told you to fall asleep on the bus"

I stormed off to my room, My mother eventually said sorry and I got over it after a few days.

What I did learn was that the only one who's gonna be there for me is me.

If I had something to say to I'd whisper it softly..

10 Fave movies (at the Moment)

Random order

1. love +Hate
2. Penelope
3. Stardust
4. Kick Ass
5. I Love you, Man
6. Ameile
7. Shoot em up
8. Mirrormask
9. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
10. Mallrats

I was thinking about this in the car today and I thought I would share. So to make my life just that much more interesting I think I'm going to take Archery lessons, I found this place in Queens that teaches it and a bonus is that after the lesson I can head to Brooklyn to see my Great grandmother. She's so Great!

So yeah, I know what you might be thinking

"Really Delilah, Another hobby! This is getting ridiculous, how many more things are you going to take up!"

But I say to you this "Talk to the hand" & "I jus like being all diversified n shit."

Just kidding, but if that's how you see it, whatev's I enjoy a wide array of things to do, that way I always have something to practice, also you never know when your going to need it.

So as you may or may not know the Ice skating season is pretty much over, but Roller skating season is on! Lol skating officially starts June 4Th at EJ Murry rink in Yonkers, that's is where I will be on June 4Th. Can't Wait!

I'm going to be painting my Skates this week I haven't decided what yet but when I finish I will post a pic. ^_^ Later

*Side Note* I HATE the new NY Licence plates.

My hands are only extensions

Having some Rainy day/Rainbow fun today,

didn't this shot come out so cool!

So Bamboozle was Great and I totally got burnt, but it was so worth it.

Say Anything was FanFreakingTastic!

I love them so much.. sigh...

I wan to see then again and again. It's ridiculous.

Ok so on some Crafty like news,

I am planing on entering a craft fair on City Island more to come about that soon I'm working toward that right now.

I have to admit I am kind nervous about that, I know I have said this before so to quote myself "It's like slapping your heart down on a table and saying do your worst".

It's just plain scary...

Well thats all thats been going on right now.

Lates everyone!