Twenty six

In My Mind

  By Amanda Palmer

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

Books make great gifts because they have whole worlds inside of them...

Books how I love them, they are warm and welcoming, adventurous, exciting, sad, scary and can sometimes lead you to the edge of your seat.
They are better then movies and keeps the monotony of everyday life at bay.
MY mother always stressed the importance of reading books.
I used to love our trips to the library, 
I still remember when I received my very own library card,
it was a very big deal.

To quote my favorite author:

“Don't ever apologize to an author for buying something in paperback, or taking it out from a library (that's what they're there for. Use your library). Don't apologize to this author for buying books second hand, or getting them from book crossing or borrowing a friend's copy. What's important to me is that people read the books and enjoy them, and that, at some point in there, the book was bought by someone. And that people who like things, tell other people. The most important thing is that people read... ”
― Neil Gaiman

Always an inspiration to me.
 I try and read as much as possible, there are times when I am almost inhaling books.
For me reading is not only an escape from reality, it is also a release.
I get to go on great adventures, 
fight wars and feel emotional events through the eyes of a heroine or hero.
I can go on and on about my love of books but I will stop here...

Anyhoo, here is a list of books that I read in 2012.
(Although this is not a list of everything I have read, as of late I have been reading books written by independent authors from a great website called "Wattpad" which is also available as an app.)

 I am hoping that next year I will read a lot more then this... well that's the goal anyway...

*SideNote* Go to your local library and take out a book!!

My Bucket List

A list of goals to be completed before my end.

I will update and re-post this as I accomplish or add goals.

1. Fly a plane

2. Finish a crocheted blanket

3. Watch baby sea turtles hatch and return to sea.

4. Learn a language fluently

5. Be on Cash Cab

6. Travel the world

London

Paris

Italy

Ireland

Hungry

Greece

Germany

Czech Republic

Dominican Republic

Austria

Slovakia 

 India

Japan

Australia

Lebanon

 Amsterdam

Russia

New Zealand 

Canada

Spain

Mexico

Romania

Denmark

To be Continued...

7. Meet Neil Gaiman

8. Finish my book
9. Get my book Published

10. Go kayaking

11. Go to a tropical beach and spend the day listening to my ipod

12. Be on the news

13.Learn Chinese Silks

14.Get a song shop song by Max Bemis

15. See Death Cab for Cutie Live

16. Learn to ride a Vespa

17. Ride a wave via surfing

18. Learn to Snowboard

19. Row a boat in central park

20. Go to Loch Ness and See Loch Ness monster

21. Learn to breathe fire

22. Adopt a dog

23. Watch a flash mob in person

24. Ride an Elephant

25. Learn the art of Blowing glass

26.Start my own Etsy store and sell my art work

27. Live in Puerto Rico for a year

28. See The Killers Live

29. Buy a Vespa

30. Visit every state in the USA

New York

Florida

New Jersey

Pennsylvania

Georgia

Connecticut

Nevada

Wyoming

South Dakota

Montana

Idaho

Utah 

Illinois

Virgina

North Carolina

To be Continued...

31. Visit Harry Potter world.

32. Ride a horse

33. Touch or swim with a whale

34. See the Northern lights

35. Join the Circus

36. Fly on a trapeze
37. Learn to juggle

To be Continued and Updated...

I'm caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile...

So many thing are changing this year...

I love it.

I felt for so long that I was at a standstill with myself. 

I was at a cross road making no decisions just sitting there wavering back and forth about my future.

For the first time I feel like I'm making progress.

Recently I was watching a video posted by John Green, the author of "Looking for Alaska" and "Paper Towns". I adore this man, he is seriously such an inspiration.

In the video he answers a question "How do I figure out what to do with my life", this is a question I have been struggling with my entire life, I never wanted to close doors for myself so I had a hard time making decisions. John Green attacks the question by disagreeing with it and he's right.

We approach life as the end all be all, we decide our career path and then we meet a person that we want to share life with, we procreate and die. This ideal is so bland. Don't get me wrong I want to do some of that but I also want to do so much more. I want to take advantage of life to the fullest and live, truly Live.

I require sustenance in the form of knowledge and life experiences.

Earlier this year I made a conscience decision to change the way I approached life and since making that decision, my life has changed for the better and I only see things getting better. 

*Side note*  Love life the way you love yourself.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track...

I've been pretty silent on here lately and I'm going to try and change that.
( have I said this before?)

So here is an update on the going ons..... I've been making progress with continuing my last nanowrimo, I feel like my writing is at an evolutionary point, my dialogue is getting a lot better and the descriptions of locations in my book seem real. I'm very happy with the way it's coming out, my goal for this year is to finish one of my nanowrimo's and I really feel like its becoming a possibility. I'm excited to see how the story is going to come out, I wonder if you can see my improvement by reading it?

Hmmm... Guess we shall see.. In other news...

I'm ridiculously happy, feeling positive and looking forward to the future.

In about a weeks time I will be heading to the Dominican Republic to witness 2 of my best friends take a huge step towards their future together. I am so happy for them and honored to share that moment with them.

You're in my body... That's where I think about you

Over a month ago I met a boy...

He makes me feel cherished, special, treasured and adored.

I feel like anything is possible with him. I'm not worried about feeling strange or awkward in front of him, in fact, I feel like he embraces my weirdness.

That's a first for me...

The wall that I built around myself apparently had a secret door that he found and slipped right into. I've never felt this way before.

He's sooo amazing... strong but kind and gentle, he makes me laugh and smile, he's genuine, smart, charming, handsome and I trust him.

That's insane considering I've known him for such a short time but I don't even care. It feels so right. He's everything I could have hoped for and more.

I'm so lucky to have him in my life, it amazes me how much he gets and understands me... I'm so ridiculously happy to be with him.

Working

So I started a new job, I didn't mention until now because I didn't want to jinx it but now that it's slightly more secure and I've been doing it for about a month now I feel i can talk about it, the one downside to this job is that it's only for the summer, I'm really hoping it leads to something full time because I really enjoy working with this company.

Now you may be wondering l

"what do you do at your new job?"

Well I am responsible for coordinating activities for international students that are visiting NY to learn english also for acting as a representative for my company.

I have loved meeting people from different cultures and backgrounds, it's really enriching, I've already made a few friends with some of my groups, everyone is really great and receptive to learning new things.

I also get to run around the city and so far I've been to top of the rock 4 times and to the statue of liberty. It's pretty awesome.

Every time you fall it's only making your chin strong

I've dropped the blogging ball, I have been pretty inactive on here the last few months and that makes me kinda sad. The reason I started this blog was because I wanted to look back at some point in time see how I've grown and changed as a person.

This year seems to have become a major turning point for me in my life so I feel like I should be writing more then ever, some of the people that I thought would remain in my life have taken a swift exit and others have remained loyally at my side.

I have made some really pivotal life decisions and I can honestly say I feel like this is the happiest and most serene time of my life. Things are falling into place seamlessly and it renews a hope in me that was diminishing by the day.

I believe part of that has to do with changing my mode of think and the way I've been approaching life.
I'm a lot less negative then before.

I'm going to follow this post with more updates about the things I have yet to post about. As for now, later!

How could this been done by such a smiling sweetheart.

I'm awake and I can't sleep... 

I keep thinking about things that I am putting off... 

I hate it when I get in my head like this, 

It's like a ball of worry and stress climbs into my chest and refused to move. 

The crazy part is that its things that shouldn't stress me out, for instance the fact that I have 2 half written books sitting on my hard drive.

I'm thinking of adopting a "Don't break the chain policy". 

Basically it's forcing yourself to work on something every single day for a allotted period of time. 

One of my biggest flaws happens to be my follow through, it sucks and I'm completely aware of it, yet I do nothing to counter it.

That aside another thing has been chewing at my mind, maybe that a wrong choice of words, not so much chewing but every once in a while it circles back to the forefront.

and the story goes like this...

About a year ago I met a guy... 

Obnoxious, smart, self-righteous, witty, condescending but strangely charming.

He bugged me but I enjoyed his company and we became friends but as these things go I ended up liking him as more then a friend. 

I got the impression that maybe he felt in a similar fashion. 

After a few drinks one night 

(Note: Friends please take my phone away from me when we go drinking, Thanks)

I texted him, This led to an admission of my feelings, to which he replied with a 

"No sweat, just another emotionally unavailable man, a classic trap.

I was taken aback. 

A person that I had come to consider a friend showed such a flagrant disregard for my feelings. I mean "No sweat", that is something you tell your friend after they say thanks for cooking them dinner or lending them a book. 

Well, my my, don't you just hold yourself in high regards.

That was the wake up call that I needed.

I knew at that point that this person was not only not my friend but someone that was severely emotionally stunted. Honestly, he could have handled things in a way that retained our friendship.

Here are some examples:

"I'm sorry, I don't see you in that way but I really like you as a person and I would like to remain friends with you."

"I don't feel that way about you, sorry"

"Look, we're good friends and I don't want to ruin our friendship"

Had he said, any variation of these phrases, I would have been more then happy to keep the friendship.

I would have accepted the fact that he wasn't into me and the issue would be buried.

Instead, his response inspired a feeling of hurt as well as the discontinuation of our friendship.

I never answered his text and a few weeks later I received a message from him stating this..

"I understand you're doing what you have to do, but I'll be here when you're ready."

Wow, really. 

What exactly is it that you are understanding?

Is it that my intense and overwhelming feelings for you is something that I must overcome in order to retain our friendship. 

Is that a joke?

Do you really think that I sitting at home in ruin because you dejected me?

Wrong, my world existed before you and will remain to do so after you.

If anything, this last message was just plain disrespectful, Did you even know me at all?

You made it clear you had no respect for my feelings so to give you a timeline on when I'll be "ready".

The answer is never, I don't hate myself enough for that. 

lol 

"Doing what you have to do." 

You're lucky I pulled myself out of the pile of soiled sheets and tear crusted tissues 

long enough to write this post. 

Get over yourself, that is, if you can stop looking in the mirror for a few minutes.

Now that has been said I can truly move past it. 

So I have been obsessed with a few songs and I thought I would share them here

My April/ May playlist...

1. The story ----Brandi Carlile

2. Give your heart a break---- Demi Lovato

3. Naive----The Kooks

4. So Good---- Say Anything

5. Heartbeat---- Childish Gambino

6.Everybody talk----Neon Trees

*Side Note* Check them out when you get a chance awesome songs.

An examined life....

Here it is almost May and I have yet to post...
April has been a great month for me, so many epic moments.

Here is a list
1. Met/ touched Max Bemis
2. Say anything concert
3. Some really amazing hang out sessions
4. Neon trees concert
5. Foodsploring
6. I won a sketch book and metal sharpie from blick (thanks Mira)
7. Decided I wanted to start taking art classes.
8. Got my first interview under my belt.
9. Discovered something about what I want out of life.
10. Learned to play darts
11. I've been really inspired artistically

This is just a small list, I'm sure I'm leaving things out. Oh, like trying creme brûlée for the first time.
I feel like this year so far has been leading me to a point in my life where I'm discovering what I want.

It's funny I was making pasta from scratch the other night and my mother walked into the kitchen, looked around then at me and said "Do you have to have your hand in everything?" the answer was out of my mouth before I really thought about it. "Yes"
A few days later after thinking about what my response I realized how true my answer really was.
I brought it up again with my mother, we were in the car and a song she dedicated to me on my sweet sixteen came on the radio, I hope you dance, it's all about living your life to the fullest. I didn't realize that's what I was doing. She said "It's like you have to have every bite of the pie" she's right. I want to do everything, try everything, learn everything. I don't want to miss out on a single life experience.

The unexamined life is not worth living. - Socrates

I plan on living the rest of my life to its fullest, you only live once, right.

*side note* I'm including some pics!

Parking Anxiety

I'm going crazy in my head right now over the dumbest thing ever....

Someone didn't leave enough space so my car would fit on the street where I usually park. 3 cars can fit there without a problem but this person took up 2 of the spaces.

My car is old and it starts best when it is facing downward instead of upward. So now I'm concerned my car won't start in the morning when I have to head to work, if this person would have just Parked a few feet closer to the car in front of them I would have had space to park my car. Instead I was forced to park my car facing upward.

I wanted so badly to leave a note just saying "hey if you could just leave a little more room in the future I would appreciate it" but I'm scared that I'll come off as a jerk and then they will do it on purpose next time. Is it rude for me to leave a note at all? Ugh I'm stressing over it so badly.... I don't know what to do.....

Broken in our own ways....

I've been at odds with myself recently about some of the people that I consider my friends...
I realized that I always seemed to be pushing the friendship along,
I would call them and I would go visit them, etc.
But they never sought me out.
So I stopped.

And I haven't heard from them...
So what does that say?
Does that mean that they don't care?
Have we perhaps grown apart?
Because that's how it feels.

It hurts when I see status updates or tweets about places that are
literally down the block from me and I never get a call saying
"hey, I'm close to your house are you home? Let's hang."

I get that you have your own lives, and I don't expect a call everyday or even every week
but I don't know when something good happens to me or something gets me upset,
I want to call the people close to me and tell them all about it because I know they care.
For a while there it felt like I had no one to turn to..

Part of me can't even blame them, I'm not the best at calling people either, but that doesn't mean that I'm not watching and listening.

Its a sad day when I have to go to your blog and find out whats going on with your life.
or
when I ask you to lunch and you bring other people that I don't know and have no common ground with.

When did we stop telling each other, everything?
I was debating on writing this post,
but you know what,
this is my place to write down everything I'm feeling.
I'm not going to censor myself because you may or may not read this.
Fuck that.

This is not meant as a personal attack either... this is me saying
"I'm hurt and no one noticed"

I have always been there when anyone needed me,
you only had to utter the words.

Friend: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

That definition of Friend pales in comparison to mine.

Friend: A person that loves you for no other reason then just being you, You can call them at 2am and they will listen to whatever you have to say. They don't judge you from doing dumb things or for being strange instead they blind you with unfiltered acceptance. You can trust them with all your secrets and they care about you when you don't even care about yourself.

*Side Note* I still love you... Despite this.

Everythings on fire...

So I started reading The Hunger Game Series, and now it is my current obsession,
I started the next book last night, eeep.
And sometime in March, China glaze
(My favorite nail polish)
is going to be releasing a Hunger games line,
I already have my eye's set on 3 of the colors.
^_^
Anyway...
A few days ago I was watching MTV and A video came on and I instantly fell in love with it.
It's a Taylor Swift and The Civil wars song,
but it sounds more like it would be an Eisley song.
So as it turns out it was actually a song for the Hunger Games Soundtrack.
I think the song has a romantic feel to it and its hauntingly beautiful and sweet.
So without any further ado....

A moment of blinding insight

I was thinking today about the first time I realized that I was a pretty good writer
I was in High School and we had to write an short story,
I can't remember what class it was for but the story was about a Native American boy hunting.
I had worked so hard on it and I was really proud of it.
I had made numerous drafts and even typed it up.

A few days later we all got our papers back but I didn't get mine back
So I approached my teacher after class and asked him why I didn't get mine
He said "Oh, I wanted to talk to you about this."
Now here I was thinking oh he's going to tell me how good it is.
I never expected what he said next.

"Where did you get this from?"
"Huh, I wrote it..."
"Now you're not in trouble, I just want to know where you got it from"
(isn't that just what every adult tells you right before you get into trouble?)

I was flabbergasted, not only was I being accused of some form of cheating but I was also getting into trouble for doing too good of a job on an assignment.
"I wrote it, I have the drafts at home"
"Well tomorrow bring them in so I can take a look at them"
I think at this point I mumbled something along the lines of "Okay" or "Yeah"

I held my paper in my hand and I felt dejected and let down.
I was so shocked, angry and frustrated that I nearly started crying.
Thank god I had made drafts, It wasn't a habit of mine to draft my projects, I usually just typed them up and edited them along the way.
The next day I showed the drafts to the teacher
and he looked at them and gave me my grade in kind of a dismissive way.

What was the point of accusing me and then barely glancing over my drafts.
I wasn't until much later that I realized this was sort of back handed complement.

My work was good enough for the teacher to think I forged it.
So that's where it all began,
I think I always had a passion for writing but the actions of that teacher confirmed it.
So i'm not sure if that teacher did a bad thing or a good thing.
I might never figure that out...

Woken from the dream by my own name...

"We were both broken in our own ways
Sifting through the rubble for the wrong things"

So another Valentines Day has passed and here I am, single, but surprisingly happy.
I have gotten to a point where I know what I want and I wont settle for less,
If that means I have to stay single, I'm okay with that.
I have been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's "Underneath the Sycamore" on repeat for the last two days. It is amazing...
The lyrics above as well as the post title are from this very song.
This song just has a subtle message about overcoming things and
recognizing the fact that you may not be heading in the right direction
but you keep on going until you can find the right path
Maybe alone or with the help of someone else.
Truly moving...
Here is some Ear Candy:

*Side Note* Happy Valentines Day!!

Caps!

some facts about Capricorns that I find to be true about myself...

When in love, a #Capricorn will love whole-heartedly even though we may not necessarily show your feelings..

Viewing insecurity and fear as weaknesses, #Capricorns attempt to hide such feelings makes it hard for others to get close to them.

#Capricorn is always ready to sacrifice for and give to others. They get irritated when you push away their kind heart.

If a #Capricorn ever suffers from insecurity, you will be the very last to be informed on it.

It is very hard for a #Capricorn to relax & let our mind rest.

#Capricorns tend to be pessimistic and moody.

If a #Capricorn doesn't get their way, they will do their best to make everyone around them miserable through subtle griping and sniping.

#Capricorns do not like to be dominated, and will not want to make the first move.

#Capricorn = cold & mysterious on the outside but on the inside a Capricorn is warm & mushy & beyond caring..

While I dance here among the land mines

(Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn Bringing up baby 1938)

I'm feeling impulsive...
So so tempted to do things that I normal would refrain from.
I put up this amazing front and it fools so many people,
but some people manage to make it past because I allow them too.
Sometimes it's so exhausting to keep a smile onto my face and pretend everything is okay so I let it slip and present my thoughts written across my face.
But I can't be impulsive, I am refusing to let myself, why you ask...
Every time I have ever been impulsive I usually get rejected or things end up horrible.
I have to be so very careful because when I trip and fall the only person who is going to be there to pick up the pieces is me.
So yeah I can take care of myself...

My own secret ceremonials...

I have been thinking about the future lately...
Like things I want to do with and teach my future children.
So I wanted to compile a list... before I forgot.

1. Instill the importance of reading.
I want to read to my children every night
(I know this is going to sound weird but I've already bought two books for them)

2. Take them to museums and art galleries.
I want them to challenge the world around them
and taking them to these places will help them form and gather their own perspective
on the world.

3. Midnight dessert picnics.
I thought of this idea today,
On nice spring/summer or fall nights I want to wake them up at midnight
(on the weekend of course)
In their pj's we'll go outside with flashlights and have a picnic of cakes and ice cream.

4. Have them tell me all about their day.
I don't want to be one of those parents that never takes the time to listen to their child's day.

5. Take them to central park and other amazing parts of NY.
I want them to know their city.

6. Build tents and forts with and in general play with them.
Imagination is something that needs to be nurtured.
I want my kids to have that with them always.

7. Do crafts with them.
Because it's fun... duh.

8. Encourage them to learn a musical instrument or play a sport.
I want them to learn young the importance and rewards of discipline.

9. Sharing.
Nowadays I see so many children that have a problem with sharing,
I think that's really sad.

10. Disappointment's
Not everything is going to go their way, and they are going to have to accept that.
I think this will be one of the harder lessons to teach them.
I don't want them to crumble when the slightest thing doesn't go their way.

I'm sure they're are other things that I am forgetting, but this list is a good start.
I just want to create and environment where they feel loved and cherished.

Ive been thinking about the girls names a little more recently,
my sons name is set (Aidan Gerard, spelling still pending)
But for a girls name I started falling in love with Eisley.
Originally I liked Daven Hartley or Hartley Daven,
but Eisley pushed them aside.

Is it weird that I've thought about this so in depth?
Eehh... I guess it's not that weird considering my tendency to over think things...

I don't know what the future holds for me but
I don't see the problem with giving myself a little outline.
I might not even be able to have kids.
(graves disease and all)
But if I do you can bet that they will be loved.

I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too... So I stayed in the darkness with you...

It's always late at night when the thoughts that run through my head cave in on me leaving me restless, tired and over thinking...
My brain can be a dangerous place sometimes.
I'm wearing two different socks... for some strange reason this makes me happy.
It doesn't take a lot to make me happy...
I enjoy the simple things in life.
I went to the Bronx zoo with my friend Nix on Monday and barely anyone was there.
It was so nice, we had the zoo to ourselves and it wasn't too cold out.
It's lazy days like this that make me grateful for growing up
in one of the most amazing cities in the world,
I love the fact that on a whim I have access to so many things.
Anyway enough of my rambles..
Here is a video that I love... Enjoy.




*Side Note* I know you feel the same...

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness....

People generally can only believe in things that are within their realm of possibilities,
for that reason they are not able to believe in things that are as natural to us as breathing,
for instance Magic.
I think our culture has misconstrued the ideal of what magic really is,
I'm not saying its conjuring flowers out of thin air or transforming people into animals.
It's science, the way people interact with each other, how experiences make you feel and turn you into the person you become this is magic.
A friend can transform a sour mood into a warm memory.
Is that not magic?
It amazes me.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately
This might not make sense to you but to me its a clear as can be.
Open up your realm of possibility so that anything is possible and any goal is attainable.

*Side note* I feel like I sound like an after school special, "Stay in school, kids!"

Questionaire: Part !

I found this Quiz online and it looked fun so here I go

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
A: Jerry Lewis

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
A: to form a castle in which tiny flowers bloomed, visited by princely bees.

4) What do you think about most?
A: My future

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
A: I have some new orders for you...

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
A: with

7) What's your strangest talent?
A: I can juggle while standing on a rola bola

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
A: Girls are easily hurt; Boys are quick to walk away.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
A: Yes

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
A: Today

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
A: of being haunted

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
A: No

13) What's your religion?
A: spiritual

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
A: looking at the stars and or sky.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
A: Behind

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
A: Say Anything

17) What was the last lie you told?
A:I don't remember.

18) Do you believe in karma?
A:Yes

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
A: My family.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
A:Max Bemis

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
A: Nope

23) How do you vent your anger?
A: Though art

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
A: Vintage Cameras

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
A: Phone

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
A: yes

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
A: Slurping, Max bemis' voice

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
A: What if I just joined the circus

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
A: yes and yes

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
A: window, my sister

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
A: nothing

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
A: Roanoke Radpids

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
A: East

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
A: Max Bemis

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
A: To be happy

36) Define Art.
A: Self expression

37) Do you believe in luck?
A: Yes

38) What's the weather like right now?
A: Cold

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
A: yes and no

41) What was the last book you read?
A: Kiss of the Highlander

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
A: yes

43) Do you have any nicknames?
A: Dee

44) What was the last movie you saw?
A: The Geisha Boy

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
A: Broken ankle in 2 places

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
A: nope

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
A: Circus

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
A: no

50) Do you believe in magic?
A: Hell yes

This type of life didn't come with instructions

I'm starting the year off like a lion, I am so amped for the new year its ridiculous. I have a list of goals for the year that I am going to accomplish. I have dubbed it Project 2012. I want to put it down on paper, so to speak, so (in no particular order) here it is!!

Project 2012

1. Finish my book/s
(I have developed a horrible pattern of giving up on things and never finishing them, It ends this year, I want to finish at least one of the books I have started.)

2. Enroll in school
(I want to become a Art Therapist, I don't want to be one of those people that say that they are going back to school and end up never going back)

3. Get to a healthy weight and tone up.
(I know such a typical resolution/ new year type of goal but I have wanted to do this for a long time, not only to lose weight but to manage my Graves as well. I think part of me is scared to lose weight, I have used my weight as an excuse not to do things and even as a mask to keep attention away from myself. That's not to say that I'm looking for attention because the opposite is true, I'm not a big fan of the spotlight)

4. Get a new job.
(I need something more substantial then my current work situation)

5. Go on a trip/vacation.
(Long over do)

6. Learn Spanish and/or French to the point where I can hold conversations.
(This also goes back to finishing things that I start, I have made some half hearted attempts at both languages and I still can't speak them, I might take a class to help keep myself focused.)

7. Move out of my parents house.
(This is a big one, I don't want to be so dependent on them anymore it might take to the end of the year to achieve this goal but I think once I cut the ties that bind I will be better for it.)

8. Take a self defense or boxing class.
(This will come after I get in better shape and improve my stamina, I want to be able to defend myself, I have wanted to take a Krav Maga class for a while now why not this year.)

That is the goal list for Project 2012. I plan on achieving each of these goals before the new year, I can't wait!!