Everythings on fire...

So I started reading The Hunger Game Series, and now it is my current obsession,
I started the next book last night, eeep.
And sometime in March, China glaze
(My favorite nail polish)
is going to be releasing a Hunger games line,
I already have my eye's set on 3 of the colors.
^_^
Anyway...
A few days ago I was watching MTV and A video came on and I instantly fell in love with it.
It's a Taylor Swift and The Civil wars song,
but it sounds more like it would be an Eisley song.
So as it turns out it was actually a song for the Hunger Games Soundtrack.
I think the song has a romantic feel to it and its hauntingly beautiful and sweet.
So without any further ado....

A moment of blinding insight

I was thinking today about the first time I realized that I was a pretty good writer
I was in High School and we had to write an short story,
I can't remember what class it was for but the story was about a Native American boy hunting.
I had worked so hard on it and I was really proud of it.
I had made numerous drafts and even typed it up.

A few days later we all got our papers back but I didn't get mine back
So I approached my teacher after class and asked him why I didn't get mine
He said "Oh, I wanted to talk to you about this."
Now here I was thinking oh he's going to tell me how good it is.
I never expected what he said next.

"Where did you get this from?"
"Huh, I wrote it..."
"Now you're not in trouble, I just want to know where you got it from"
(isn't that just what every adult tells you right before you get into trouble?)

I was flabbergasted, not only was I being accused of some form of cheating but I was also getting into trouble for doing too good of a job on an assignment.
"I wrote it, I have the drafts at home"
"Well tomorrow bring them in so I can take a look at them"
I think at this point I mumbled something along the lines of "Okay" or "Yeah"

I held my paper in my hand and I felt dejected and let down.
I was so shocked, angry and frustrated that I nearly started crying.
Thank god I had made drafts, It wasn't a habit of mine to draft my projects, I usually just typed them up and edited them along the way.
The next day I showed the drafts to the teacher
and he looked at them and gave me my grade in kind of a dismissive way.

What was the point of accusing me and then barely glancing over my drafts.
I wasn't until much later that I realized this was sort of back handed complement.

My work was good enough for the teacher to think I forged it.
So that's where it all began,
I think I always had a passion for writing but the actions of that teacher confirmed it.
So i'm not sure if that teacher did a bad thing or a good thing.
I might never figure that out...

Woken from the dream by my own name...

"We were both broken in our own ways
Sifting through the rubble for the wrong things"

So another Valentines Day has passed and here I am, single, but surprisingly happy.
I have gotten to a point where I know what I want and I wont settle for less,
If that means I have to stay single, I'm okay with that.
I have been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's "Underneath the Sycamore" on repeat for the last two days. It is amazing...
The lyrics above as well as the post title are from this very song.
This song just has a subtle message about overcoming things and
recognizing the fact that you may not be heading in the right direction
but you keep on going until you can find the right path
Maybe alone or with the help of someone else.
Truly moving...
Here is some Ear Candy:

*Side Note* Happy Valentines Day!!

Caps!

some facts about Capricorns that I find to be true about myself...

When in love, a #Capricorn will love whole-heartedly even though we may not necessarily show your feelings..

Viewing insecurity and fear as weaknesses, #Capricorns attempt to hide such feelings makes it hard for others to get close to them.

#Capricorn is always ready to sacrifice for and give to others. They get irritated when you push away their kind heart.

If a #Capricorn ever suffers from insecurity, you will be the very last to be informed on it.

It is very hard for a #Capricorn to relax & let our mind rest.

#Capricorns tend to be pessimistic and moody.

If a #Capricorn doesn't get their way, they will do their best to make everyone around them miserable through subtle griping and sniping.

#Capricorns do not like to be dominated, and will not want to make the first move.

#Capricorn = cold & mysterious on the outside but on the inside a Capricorn is warm & mushy & beyond caring..

While I dance here among the land mines

(Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn Bringing up baby 1938)

I'm feeling impulsive...
So so tempted to do things that I normal would refrain from.
I put up this amazing front and it fools so many people,
but some people manage to make it past because I allow them too.
Sometimes it's so exhausting to keep a smile onto my face and pretend everything is okay so I let it slip and present my thoughts written across my face.
But I can't be impulsive, I am refusing to let myself, why you ask...
Every time I have ever been impulsive I usually get rejected or things end up horrible.
I have to be so very careful because when I trip and fall the only person who is going to be there to pick up the pieces is me.
So yeah I can take care of myself...

My own secret ceremonials...

I have been thinking about the future lately...
Like things I want to do with and teach my future children.
So I wanted to compile a list... before I forgot.

1. Instill the importance of reading.
I want to read to my children every night
(I know this is going to sound weird but I've already bought two books for them)

2. Take them to museums and art galleries.
I want them to challenge the world around them
and taking them to these places will help them form and gather their own perspective
on the world.

3. Midnight dessert picnics.
I thought of this idea today,
On nice spring/summer or fall nights I want to wake them up at midnight
(on the weekend of course)
In their pj's we'll go outside with flashlights and have a picnic of cakes and ice cream.

4. Have them tell me all about their day.
I don't want to be one of those parents that never takes the time to listen to their child's day.

5. Take them to central park and other amazing parts of NY.
I want them to know their city.

6. Build tents and forts with and in general play with them.
Imagination is something that needs to be nurtured.
I want my kids to have that with them always.

7. Do crafts with them.
Because it's fun... duh.

8. Encourage them to learn a musical instrument or play a sport.
I want them to learn young the importance and rewards of discipline.

9. Sharing.
Nowadays I see so many children that have a problem with sharing,
I think that's really sad.

10. Disappointment's
Not everything is going to go their way, and they are going to have to accept that.
I think this will be one of the harder lessons to teach them.
I don't want them to crumble when the slightest thing doesn't go their way.

I'm sure they're are other things that I am forgetting, but this list is a good start.
I just want to create and environment where they feel loved and cherished.

Ive been thinking about the girls names a little more recently,
my sons name is set (Aidan Gerard, spelling still pending)
But for a girls name I started falling in love with Eisley.
Originally I liked Daven Hartley or Hartley Daven,
but Eisley pushed them aside.

Is it weird that I've thought about this so in depth?
Eehh... I guess it's not that weird considering my tendency to over think things...

I don't know what the future holds for me but
I don't see the problem with giving myself a little outline.
I might not even be able to have kids.
(graves disease and all)
But if I do you can bet that they will be loved.