Twenty six

In My Mind

  By Amanda Palmer

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

A quarter of a centery old....

25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the whole world's MADE UP OF this brotherhood of man
FOR whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take A deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
What's goin' on

And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on

Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...
Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...

And I try, oh my God, do I try
I try all the time in this institution
And I pray, oh my God, do I pray
I pray every single day FOR A REVOLUTION!

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
WHAT'S GOIN' ON!!

And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on

Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...

25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

My Sister's 18th!!

Today my sister is 18 years old...

Its really strange for me to say that, it feels like shes still 12 years old..
but shes only 2 years from 20.
Blows my mind.
I am proud of the young woman she has started to become
and
I can't wait to see the young woman she will be.
So on this day...
Happy birthday Angelia
(aka Monkey aka Lea aka Pip aka Angeloser aka Lee)
I love you!
^_^
(After looking at some pictures of my sister and I,
we always seem to be on the same sides of our most of out pictures.. weird)

Just one more birthday....

Let me guide you through the story of a boy and his curse

Tiny diamond in his stroller with his first step chasing the hearse

Sippin' at a cup that's half way filled

But looking forward to the day he pays that drinking bill

There's no peace, there's no quiet on this earth

He confided, nestled tightly in that womb beneath the dirt

Hurt no more and when he turned 24

He wrote a note to nail to God's front door that said

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

From the high paying job and the love of his life

He rode a roller coaster ride of lust on their wedding night

They made a baby in unmentionable ways

He was ungrateful as a man could be on that blessed day

And underneath he thought this is all a phase

Just a blip in the existence of a structure vast and great

Pray each night to his cross of a charm

For the one thing he couldn't afford just to buy the farm

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

I'll never lose another friend again

Or watch them start a war that's fought for ideals that are dead

I'll never have an argument again

Because my dust

will be your salt

My blood will hydrate you off

My heart will be your meal

And I won't ride the cycle of the way it kills to think and feel

No more, no

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

One sweet day his heart ceased to beat

He fell so fast beneath all our feet

Through bugs and snakes

Last words he had to say were

Help me claw my way to the surface

Oh sweet lord you know I deserve this

Just one more, just one more birthday

Twenty Three

I felt for sure last night

That once we said goodbye

No one else will know these lonely dreams

No one else will know that part of me

I'm still driving away

And I'm sorry every day

I won't always love these selfish things

I won't always live...

Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide

I knew this was our time

No one else will have me like you do

No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever

If you wait for the right time

What are you hoping for?

I'm here I'm now I'm ready

Holding on tight

Don't give away the end

The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems

I'll be 23

I won't always love what I'll never have

I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever

If you wait for the right time

What are you hoping for?

I'm here I'm now I'm ready

Holding on tight

Don't give away the end

The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever

If you wait for the right time

What are you hoping for?

I'm here I'm now I'm ready

Holding on tight

Don't give away the end

The one thing that stays mine...

22 years aged

So I am back I know I have been missing for a while but with the holiday season new years and my Birthday...Yes. thats right I said it, My 22nd Birthday happened December 31st! Its always a whirlwind around here during the seasons and I love it! Now that it is over its been pretty mundane around here, not much to report... Wow I guess this is going to be a short post..... lets see... ok yeah Im done, nothing else to say, Talk to everyone soon!!!

Delilah, Diabolo's & Dubé...Oh My!

Today's Topic of Ye Olde Blog is Diabolo's!!
As many of you know I am major fan of Diabolos, I own 3 already, and I am currently in the process of acquiring 3 more...^_^. I know I have a problem....

My Collection currently consists of:

1. Blue Millennium
(This was the first Diabolo that I ever owned,

I have had it for about 3 years. Its been run thru the mill)

2. Glow in the Dark Millennium
(My second Diabolo purchase,

not as messed up as my blue milli but I love playing with it in the dark,

it looks soooo awesome)

3. Red Circus
(I bought this beauty in Berlin & I completely adore it, I have a great spin time with it.

It took some time to get used to at first due to the weight but I'm not bad on it)

I have just ordered 2 more diabolos that should be in December 10th. They are early Birthday presents to myself. I ordered a Orange Tornado and a White Sundia. I can not wait to get them... I have started to compulsively checking the tracking info to see how close They are.

I was also considering heading to Dubé today to see if I can get myself a Arlequino,

still a tentative thought, lets see how I feel later. ^_~

I would just like to take a moment for a small rant...

ahhemm.

Their is a serious lack of Juggling stores in NY/Westchester Area.
Its like all I have is Dubé and they don't have a Giant selection of Diabolos, and the store hours are not very flexible, they are closed on weekends and they aren't open very late.

I live in Westchester which alone is about 20-40 minutes from the city depending on traffic,

I usually get out of work at 5 so lets say I do go to the city and try to make it

before they close at 6.

I have to find parking which around there is nearly impossible.

Then if by some miracle I do find parking I have about 3 minutes to get from the car to the building then get upstairs and make my purchase, and if I remember correctly I have to sign in with a door man downstairs....

Do you see the problem..

All I have to say is thank god for the Internet.

*Side Note* My birthday is in 26 more days!!

Hold ur own taco!

This weekend was a fun one, many adventures to be had!

Hung out in brooklyn for a few hours then I went to my cuzins house in NJ, got lost on my way there, Got drunk, Played beer pong for the first time and discovered i suck at it lol. Then woke up to my cuz screaming "Who Shit On The Floor!"

SOOOOOOO NASTY!! No one fezzed up, but we know who you are!

It was also one of my beloved friends B-Day on Sunday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSE! I'm working on a little project for him and another friend Charles' Birthday. I really hope they like it. Well other then that all has been pretty uneventful.

Well... Thats all Folks.