I don't usually talk about my relationships (Past or Present) on my blog
but it's something I have been thinking about a lot lately
So to put my mind at ease here I go.
I was recently dating someone.
This is the first real dating I had done since my last relationship.
I thought the dates went well but I guess I was mistaken.
(I really liked him)
It just got me thinking...
and thinking for me is very bad...
I tend to dwell on things to the point where I over analyze...
but anyway the conclusion I have come to is...
I am unlucky in love.
At this point I feel like there has to be something wrong with me...
I am aware that I'm not perfect
I am stubborn, slightly pessimistic and can be moody
But I am also a good person.I am easy going, fairly smart, creative, funny, honest and generous.
So I don't quite understand why I'm single.
Maybe I don't put myself out there enough or maybe It's just not in the cards for me.
I started looking back at past relationships to see what went wrong.
and here are reasons some of the relationships didn't work
1. I was trying to be something that I wasn't.
2. He couldn't accept me the way I was.
3. I wasn't ready for a relationship and I regret that.
(The only guy who ever treated me right)
4. He was to attached to me and that scared me
5. He used me and I let him.
6. They led me on
Most of my relationships ended badly and we couldn't remain friends,
I found that some of them resented me after the relationship.
I would even go as far as to say they hate me.
I could never really understand why,
I mean If I broke up with them I was just be honest with myself and the way I felt.
Whats the point of leading them on.
It would only hurt them and me more later.
It's just really disappointing, I always end up getting hurt.
Right when I start to let a guy past my defences, they just let me down.
It never fails, and now I expect it.
I don't want to be the girl that has been burned so many times, she cant let anyone in.
I fear that I am becoming just that.
I am very independent and I have a hard time asking for help.
I do not need a man
but it would be nice to have someone to share those little moments in life with.
Guys say they want the nice girl but I'm learning different.
*Side note* If you don't like me just tell me, I won't be upset, I promise.
Just don't have me believing that you do.
Not to mention its a waste of my time.
2 comments:
Delilah I had no idea you felt this way about your experience with relationships, and it surprises me because I empathize with you in so many ways. I have yet to be in a "relationship" where I actually felt I comfortable in, and it's because of reasons similar to yours, especially with reasons #1 and #2 in your list. I think we all are susceptible to those things, this dissatisfaction with ourselves, this desire to "fit the mould". To be honest I recently had to learn a very tough lesson dealing with relationships as well, and it was absolutely heart-wrenching when I realized just how little I appreciate and respect myself sometimes, and it's frightening. But then I thought of people I love, friends like you, and it made me remember that you guys are the only people in this world who are worth sacrificing myself for, and that shouldn't happen because people who truly care about me wouldn't want me to do things that hurt myself for their sake.
Delilah if you believe in me, and I know you do, you've got to have faith in yourself as well. Know that nobody can make you feel inferior, nobody can make you feel like there's something wrong with you. It's when you are most aware of your own amazing qualities that's when you shine the brightest, and at that point nobody would able to break your faith in yourself.
You know I think you're amazing, and I would repeat this as many times as it would take for it to be engraved permanently in your head.
I have to agree with the previous comment. You have to beleive in yourself and love yourself before anybody else can.
I think your flaw, when it comes to men, is that you are too nice. They take advantage of this and you always end up getting hurt. It's sad but true...and as horrible and cynical as this sounds, you have to learn to be a bitch sometimes. Meaning, do what it takes to protect yourself. Put yourself and your feelings first.
If a man cant accept you for who you are, fuck them! If you beleive you are the most incredible person on the planet, then trust me, everyone else will too ;)
You know I am always here if you need to talk
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