This time of year is always hard one for me, I am turning 25 in a few days.
I would have thought that I would have accomplished something substantial by now but when I look back I see a river of half finished endeavors.
That makes me sad.
I think for a long time I have been holding myself back and I'm not quite sure from what..
Am I scared of success? Fearful of happiness?
Too content with haunting the shadows of my own life?
Its hard to come out of the shadows when they have been a part of you for so long, for me they have become a second skin.
I'm sure that I have let people that dance in the light push me in the shadows.
I let them make me feel like less to the point where I walked into the darkness without a fight.
I don't like the attention, the light gives to much away, cracks can be seen in the facade.
The shadow is much kinder.
I was watching one of my favorite old movies the other day and a line that stuck with me was ""
The man who wrote the book in which the movie was based off of,
lived the later part of his life as a butler for a wealthy family until his death.
He didn't need to work, he was wealthy in his own right.
I thought about this for a while...
We all have goals and plans that we set for ourselves to achieve the lives we dream of
but despite goals we need purpose,
without purpose you will never be satisfied even if you reach and accomplish your goals.
I would have thought that I would have accomplished something substantial by now but when I look back I see a river of half finished endeavors.
That makes me sad.
I think for a long time I have been holding myself back and I'm not quite sure from what..
Am I scared of success? Fearful of happiness?
Too content with haunting the shadows of my own life?
Its hard to come out of the shadows when they have been a part of you for so long, for me they have become a second skin.
I'm sure that I have let people that dance in the light push me in the shadows.
I let them make me feel like less to the point where I walked into the darkness without a fight.
I don't like the attention, the light gives to much away, cracks can be seen in the facade.
The shadow is much kinder.
I was watching one of my favorite old movies the other day and a line that stuck with me was ""
The man who wrote the book in which the movie was based off of,
lived the later part of his life as a butler for a wealthy family until his death.
He didn't need to work, he was wealthy in his own right.
I thought about this for a while...
We all have goals and plans that we set for ourselves to achieve the lives we dream of
but despite goals we need purpose,
without purpose you will never be satisfied even if you reach and accomplish your goals.
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