you think I'm made of stone, I'm chiseled out of brick. I'm a vase that shatters, Holding such beautiful things.

Right now I am looking for Crochet for charity organization's in new york so that maybe I can give back by crocheting toys or hats for children.

I made this little cutie the other day, I have just named it Ruth. Isn't she cute!

I want to light up someones day, with something special just for them. I guess part of it is kind of selfish of me, because I enjoy making other people happy, but that's not wrong is it...?

I went the Envy on the Coast show Saturday, it was amazing! I have a new favorite song by them called "Made of Stone" that is where the title of this post comes from.

They are just so amazing live! I also fell in love with a new band that opened up for Envy called Twin Atlantic, and they are going to be at Bamboozle, so YAY!

Not much has been going on, basically I'm just enjoying the calmness of it all and getting my act together and all.

*Side note* The lyrics from "made of stone" just encapsulates the way I feel... I believe in this.

You won't take away my pride... No, not this time

Art is something that is constantly changing, and vastly different from person to person.
For the past two years, I have found that my work has morphed and changed into something that I truly love.
I have created these stick figure people that make me so happy whenever I create a new one, not unlike children.

They have become so much a part of me, it amazes me how much they mean to me.

My life like most seems to always be in a state of transition, and I love that, but from these transitions come a change in my Art. Sometimes the change is small and barely noticed and other times it's huge and so out of the realm of what I would draw regularly.
That's what I adore about my work, It's a timeline for things that I have experienced and ways that I have felt. I can look at one of my pieces and revisit the place I was in my head.
I guess that is what I want to convey to you today. I want you to go the the same place I was when I was creating, feel what I felt & Think like I thought. Is that realistic? Maybe not but it's what I want.

I am grown up at 23, will someone tell me what it takes to be happy

This will be a post of statements:

I'm just so stressed out lately

Fed up with a lot of things

I want to find a place to call home

My life is at a stand still

I went to the Juggle This fest on sat, it was Fun.

I can't wait for Bamboozle right now it's like a beacon of light in my life.

Why can't life be like in the movies

I don't feel happy

I feel twisted & conflicted inside

I feel alone

What a depressing post

Maybe I should go see a movie

should I even post this

What would make me happy now

right this very instant

sleep?

music?

reading?

making new friends?

It's so hard to make new friends sometimes

sometimes they turn out to be mean people

that you didn't want as ur friend to begin with

~Sigh~

Today is my one day off and not a single second has be spent on me..

How do u know if ur being used?

Why do some of the people in my life want to change me.

I like me the way I am

I can feel it in my bones.

Rock the Vespa,
originally uploaded by jonathan ponce.

So last Saturday I went to Brooklyn to finally get my hair cut, visit my Great Grandmother and do some random wandering.
So on my way to get my hair cut I was passing a driving school
When I noticed a man teaching a girl to ride a scooter, at that point I did a 180 turn and went inside to get more details.
So jump forward to today, I am pleased to say that I am now the very proud owner of a Motorcycle learners permit, which I need to take Vespa lessons and to get my Vespa!
I totally feel like I am just that much closer and it was so easy.
Why can't everything be this easy?
But today I realized that if you want something you have to go grab it!

I cant wait to ride a Vespa!!

*Side note* I want to go to the city this week.....

Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train...

Is life easier then I'm making it seem...

The last few days my head has been in a cloud.

I feel like I'm struggling for air.. and I can't figure out why.

I would hate to think I am living a meaningless life, but isn't the goal of life to be happy...

The problem is my head is living beyond my means, I want to do everything, is that even possible, when I look back on my life I want to think "Wow that was a great ride"

at this point in my life I don't think that will happen for me. Maybe it's too late or who knows maybe it isn't..

Ugh am I making any sense whatsoever... I'm so stuck in my brain.

I can feel it in my bones that there's something more to my life,

I just have to figure out what...

Anyway..

Let me give u a super mini life update:

Music i'm listening to: Metric (Great band)

Fave food at the moment: Indian

Something I'm neglecting: Photography

Movies I've been watching like an addict: District B-13 1 & 2

Crafty thing: Crocheting a small rug.

Craving: Brownies

Wearing: Alot of black (as per usual)

Website Obsession: Twitter

Frustration: My Car, which better not have anything wrong with it.

Missing: Emma Rose

Worrying: About the my direction of my life.

What I Wants: 1960's movie called "My Six Love's" starring Debbie Reynolds

Ok I think that's it for now, Talk to y'all later!

*Side note* Still haven't gotten my hair cut..

Love is our resistance...

Thinking about something my mother told me the other night...

but first a little bit of back story..

I have a very hard time sleeping at night,

which leads me to wander around the house at 2, 3 or even perhaps 4am..

I don't know why but this is how it is.

Usually I just occupy this time by reading, watching movies, listening to music, drawing or even the random painting. So I wander around the house.

As you know I was away for the last 2 weeks.

Now I would like to think that I still live at home because I can not afford to move out, but in reality I stay because I know how much my parents depend on me.

I guess it's just one of those things... anyway back to the beginning..

So I had just gotten back from N.C. I was doing my normal wandering thing and I guess my mother had gotten used to the house being quiet at night

(Don't get me wrong its not like I walking down the halls banging pots and pans when every ones asleep its more like you hear me walking around and moving things.)

So I woke her up and she said "Delilah" to which I replied "Yeah"

"Oh, it's you, I'm not used to hearing someone moving around at night."

"Sorry"

"It's ok, I missed it" after she said that she laughed and went back to sleep.

It was nice to know that I was missed,

that something so insignificant as my walking around the house.

It just made me think of my mother and my relationship,

It took a long time for her to accept me the way I am.

Now I doubt she would even blink an eye if I walked into the living room covered in glitter and feathers.

She would probably ask the regrettable question " What are you doing?"

So yeah that little thing got me thinking... about this lady..

Sun tea...

Sun tea...,
originally uploaded by Fairyflames4.

My mom used to make sun tea when I was a kid, and I used to think it was so gross, but at some point in time I started to like it. So today I made my own sun tea!

I always freeze when I'm thinking of words to say

A line from Eatmewhileimhot's the Point:
I don't wanna live with regret which is why my life is a mess

I feel like that encompasses how I feel right now, being in North Carolina was a total wake up call for me. I have so many things that I could bring to the world and I feel like I am fading away, but a big part of not doing anything is fear and I know it.
I know have written post like this and I am done waiting for my life to start, no one is going to start it for me, I am 23 years old and still wandering aimlessly, this doesn't seem right. So I'm going to try and work through my fear and put myself out there...

Also...

I realized I am terrible at telling stories, I pause far to much, forget part of the story and forget what part of the story I was up to. I think this is due to the way my brain works, sometimes I speak slow and I think too fast or I think fast and speak to fast whichleadsthewordstorunintoeachother.....
something like that...

But yeah here is list of some things that I feel are important life lessons:

1. Do not take Expired Medications
2. Do not travel 4 hours to see a guy unless you are
A: Dating, B: Married to or C: Going to kill... the said guy.
3. Do drink Firefly Vodka with Lemon aid
4. Do get your oil changed, car checked and make sure you check your coolant levels before a road trip.
5. If your not having fun at a bar make your own fun... or leave...
6. Always Pregame
7. If a guy does not have manners
(ie. hold doors open, offer to help you carry heavy bags, pays attention to you and talks to you with respect) then he doesn't deserve the time of day.
8. Try something new, at least once.
9. Don't go anywhere without some semblance of directions.
10. Always carry snacks on a road trip, you never know where there's going to be a gas station or rest stop.

Side note* I need to get my hair cut....