My favorite color is clear....

Woken from the dream by my own name...

2012-02-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

"We were both broken in our own ways
Sifting through the rubble for the wrong things"

So another Valentines Day has passed and here I am, single, but surprisingly happy.
I have gotten to a point where I know what I want and I wont settle for less,
If that means I have to stay single, I'm okay with that.
I have been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's "Underneath the Sycamore" on repeat for the last two days. It is amazing...
The lyrics above as well as the post title are from this very song.
This song just has a subtle message about overcoming things and
recognizing the fact that you may not be heading in the right direction
but you keep on going until you can find the right path
Maybe alone or with the help of someone else.
Truly moving...
Here is some Ear Candy:

*Side Note* Happy Valentines Day!!

Caps!

2012-02-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

some facts about Capricorns that I find to be true about myself...

When in love, a #Capricorn will love whole-heartedly even though we may not necessarily show your feelings..

Viewing insecurity and fear as weaknesses, #Capricorns attempt to hide such feelings makes it hard for others to get close to them.

#Capricorn is always ready to sacrifice for and give to others. They get irritated when you push away their kind heart.

If a #Capricorn ever suffers from insecurity, you will be the very last to be informed on it.

It is very hard for a #Capricorn to relax & let our mind rest.

#Capricorns tend to be pessimistic and moody.

If a #Capricorn doesn't get their way, they will do their best to make everyone around them miserable through subtle griping and sniping.

#Capricorns do not like to be dominated, and will not want to make the first move.

#Capricorn = cold & mysterious on the outside but on the inside a Capricorn is warm & mushy & beyond caring..

While I dance here among the land mines

2012-02-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

(Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn Bringing up baby 1938)

I'm feeling impulsive...
So so tempted to do things that I normal would refrain from.
I put up this amazing front and it fools so many people,
but some people manage to make it past because I allow them too.
Sometimes it's so exhausting to keep a smile onto my face and pretend everything is okay so I let it slip and present my thoughts written across my face.
But I can't be impulsive, I am refusing to let myself, why you ask...
Every time I have ever been impulsive I usually get rejected or things end up horrible.
I have to be so very careful because when I trip and fall the only person who is going to be there to pick up the pieces is me.
So yeah I can take care of myself...

My own secret ceremonials...

2012-02-01T21:50:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about the future lately...
Like things I want to do with and teach my future children.
So I wanted to compile a list... before I forgot.

1. Instill the importance of reading.
I want to read to my children every night
(I know this is going to sound weird but I've already bought two books for them)

2. Take them to museums and art galleries.
I want them to challenge the world around them
and taking them to these places will help them form and gather their own perspective
on the world.

3. Midnight dessert picnics.
I thought of this idea today,
On nice spring/summer or fall nights I want to wake them up at midnight
(on the weekend of course)
In their pj's we'll go outside with flashlights and have a picnic of cakes and ice cream.

4. Have them tell me all about their day.
I don't want to be one of those parents that never takes the time to listen to their child's day.

5. Take them to central park and other amazing parts of NY.
I want them to know their city.

6. Build tents and forts with and in general play with them.
Imagination is something that needs to be nurtured.
I want my kids to have that with them always.

7. Do crafts with them.
Because it's fun... duh.

8. Encourage them to learn a musical instrument or play a sport.
I want them to learn young the importance and rewards of discipline.

9. Sharing.
Nowadays I see so many children that have a problem with sharing,
I think that's really sad.

10. Disappointment's
Not everything is going to go their way, and they are going to have to accept that.
I think this will be one of the harder lessons to teach them.
I don't want them to crumble when the slightest thing doesn't go their way.

I'm sure they're are other things that I am forgetting, but this list is a good start.
I just want to create and environment where they feel loved and cherished.

Ive been thinking about the girls names a little more recently,
my sons name is set (Aidan Gerard, spelling still pending)
But for a girls name I started falling in love with Eisley.
Originally I liked Daven Hartley or Hartley Daven,
but Eisley pushed them aside.

Is it weird that I've thought about this so in depth?
Eehh... I guess it's not that weird considering my tendency to over think things...

I don't know what the future holds for me but
I don't see the problem with giving myself a little outline.
I might not even be able to have kids.
(graves disease and all)
But if I do you can bet that they will be loved.

I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too... So I stayed in the darkness with you...

2012-01-31T22:44:00.000-08:00

It's always late at night when the thoughts that run through my head cave in on me leaving me restless, tired and over thinking...
My brain can be a dangerous place sometimes.
I'm wearing two different socks... for some strange reason this makes me happy.
It doesn't take a lot to make me happy...
I enjoy the simple things in life.
I went to the Bronx zoo with my friend Nix on Monday and barely anyone was there.
It was so nice, we had the zoo to ourselves and it wasn't too cold out.
It's lazy days like this that make me grateful for growing up
in one of the most amazing cities in the world,
I love the fact that on a whim I have access to so many things.
Anyway enough of my rambles..
Here is a video that I love... Enjoy.

*Side Note* I know you feel the same...

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness....

2012-01-11T09:37:00.000-08:00

People generally can only believe in things that are within their realm of possibilities,
for that reason they are not able to believe in things that are as natural to us as breathing,
for instance Magic.
I think our culture has misconstrued the ideal of what magic really is,
I'm not saying its conjuring flowers out of thin air or transforming people into animals.
It's science, the way people interact with each other, how experiences make you feel and turn you into the person you become this is magic.
A friend can transform a sour mood into a warm memory.
Is that not magic?
It amazes me.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately
This might not make sense to you but to me its a clear as can be.
Open up your realm of possibility so that anything is possible and any goal is attainable.

*Side note* I feel like I sound like an after school special, "Stay in school, kids!"

Questionaire: Part !

2012-01-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

I found this Quiz online and it looked fun so here I go

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
A: Jerry Lewis

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
A: to form a castle in which tiny flowers bloomed, visited by princely bees.

4) What do you think about most?
A: My future

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
A: I have some new orders for you...

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
A: with

7) What's your strangest talent?
A: I can juggle while standing on a rola bola

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
A: Girls are easily hurt; Boys are quick to walk away.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
A: Yes

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
A: Today

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
A: of being haunted

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
A: No

13) What's your religion?
A: spiritual

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
A: looking at the stars and or sky.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
A: Behind

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
A: Say Anything

17) What was the last lie you told?
A:I don't remember.

18) Do you believe in karma?
A:Yes

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
A: My family.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
A:Max Bemis

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
A: Nope

23) How do you vent your anger?
A: Though art

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
A: Vintage Cameras

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
A: Phone

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
A: yes

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
A: Slurping, Max bemis' voice

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
A: What if I just joined the circus

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
A: yes and yes

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
A: window, my sister

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
A: nothing

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
A: Roanoke Radpids

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
A: East

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
A: Max Bemis

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
A: To be happy

36) Define Art.
A: Self expression

37) Do you believe in luck?
A: Yes

38) What's the weather like right now?
A: Cold

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
A: yes and no

41) What was the last book you read?
A: Kiss of the Highlander

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
A: yes

43) Do you have any nicknames?
A: Dee

44) What was the last movie you saw?
A: The Geisha Boy

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
A: Broken ankle in 2 places

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
A: nope

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
A: Circus

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
A: no

50) Do you believe in magic?
A: Hell yes

This type of life didn't come with instructions

2012-01-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

I'm starting the year off like a lion, I am so amped for the new year its ridiculous. I have a list of goals for the year that I am going to accomplish. I have dubbed it Project 2012. I want to put it down on paper, so to speak, so (in no particular order) here it is!!

Project 2012

1. Finish my book/s
(I have developed a horrible pattern of giving up on things and never finishing them, It ends this year, I want to finish at least one of the books I have started.)

2. Enroll in school
(I want to become a Art Therapist, I don't want to be one of those people that say that they are going back to school and end up never going back)

3. Get to a healthy weight and tone up.
(I know such a typical resolution/ new year type of goal but I have wanted to do this for a long time, not only to lose weight but to manage my Graves as well. I think part of me is scared to lose weight, I have used my weight as an excuse not to do things and even as a mask to keep attention away from myself. That's not to say that I'm looking for attention because the opposite is true, I'm not a big fan of the spotlight)

4. Get a new job.
(I need something more substantial then my current work situation)

5. Go on a trip/vacation.
(Long over do)

6. Learn Spanish and/or French to the point where I can hold conversations.
(This also goes back to finishing things that I start, I have made some half hearted attempts at both languages and I still can't speak them, I might take a class to help keep myself focused.)

7. Move out of my parents house.
(This is a big one, I don't want to be so dependent on them anymore it might take to the end of the year to achieve this goal but I think once I cut the ties that bind I will be better for it.)

8. Take a self defense or boxing class.
(This will come after I get in better shape and improve my stamina, I want to be able to defend myself, I have wanted to take a Krav Maga class for a while now why not this year.)

That is the goal list for Project 2012. I plan on achieving each of these goals before the new year, I can't wait!!

A quarter of a centery old....

2011-12-31T01:55:00.000-08:00

25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the whole world's MADE UP OF this brotherhood of man
FOR whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take A deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
What's goin' on

And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on

Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...
Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...

And I try, oh my God, do I try
I try all the time in this institution
And I pray, oh my God, do I pray
I pray every single day FOR A REVOLUTION!

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
WHAT'S GOIN' ON!!

And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on

Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...

25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

Change came in disguise of revelation...

2011-12-28T23:15:00.000-08:00

This time of year is always hard one for me, I am turning 25 in a few days.
I would have thought that I would have accomplished something substantial by now but when I look back I see a river of half finished endeavors.
That makes me sad.
I think for a long time I have been holding myself back and I'm not quite sure from what..
Am I scared of success? Fearful of happiness?
Too content with haunting the shadows of my own life?
Its hard to come out of the shadows when they have been a part of you for so long, for me they have become a second skin.

I'm sure that I have let people that dance in the light push me in the shadows.
I let them make me feel like less to the point where I walked into the darkness without a fight.
I don't like the attention, the light gives to much away, cracks can be seen in the facade.
The shadow is much kinder.

I was watching one of my favorite old movies the other day and a line that stuck with me was "Life is a Banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death"
The man who wrote the book in which the movie was based off of,
lived the later part of his life as a butler for a wealthy family until his death.
He didn't need to work, he was wealthy in his own right.
I thought about this for a while...

We all have goals and plans that we set for ourselves to achieve the lives we dream of
but despite goals we need purpose,
without purpose you will never be satisfied even if you reach and accomplish your goals.

Penelope I Wish

2011-12-10T10:36:00.000-08:00

Made this fan video... Enjoy

collapse right on the back of tumbling waves...

2011-12-04T20:33:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have cotton in my head instead of a brain.
I am aware that I tend to over think things but lately I feel like I am just completely thick. I am struggling to come to terms with my life and decide which way I want to turn.
I hate the way I've let someone get under my skin and open up parts of myself that I had kept closed in order to keep myself safe.
I am walking in a emotional hallway made of broken glass one wrong turn and its over for me. I have been here before and just managed to make it out.
It took me 3 years to fully recover from my previous injuries,
Do I really want to open myself up to get hurt again?
I scared it might already be too late.

I've been having really vivid dreams lately...
I have been want to write them down before I forget them.

Dream 1
I am in a boarding school, my mother works as a teacher there.
I am heading to one of my classes and I meet a brother and sister.
We become friends and we discover that we are heading to the same class so we decide that we will walk together. so were walking, and I usually took the long way to the class but they said they knew a shortcut and it cost a dollar.
We took the shortcut and it took us to an elevator, we got in and the doors began to close
a hand stopped the door from closing and it opened again revealing 3 people two guys and a girl.
They piled into the elevator and my new friends said it was too crowded and exited the elevator leaving me and the 3 people.
One of the guys caught my attention and I kept peeking up to look at him only to find him looking back at me. The doors closed and the elevator began to move, I couldn't tell in which direction.
The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened to a beach. I looked out the doors and said "Shit" as I dropped my things and ran down the beach shedding shoes and socks as I went.
A yacht was on fire and sinking in the ocean, when I looked back the 3 people were doing the same rushing to help the people on the sinking ship. I jumped in and started dragging people to shore and then I looked on the boat and there was Paris Hilton. I swam out again to rescue her and dragged her to shore. I collapsed on the beach my chest heaving and I looked at the guy again and he was all wet and breathing the same way, watching me.

Dream 2
I was a mermaid...
I was swimming in the ocean free and carelessly, I swam to a cove where other mermaids were hanging out, I sat on a rock that was just barely covered with water and watched the other mermaid and mermen chat and swim as I flicked my tail back and forth.
Out of the ocean a merman that I knew swam up to me and reached his hand out to me.
It was an invitation.
I grasped his hand and he pulled me into a hug.
Still in the hug we dove underwater and he swam taking me with him, he held onto me tight and I felt like I was safe and home.

Is it weird that my dreams lately are having a running ocean theme? Last night I had another dream but I don't remember it as well, but I do know that I was on a pirate ship in the ocean and there was a Chinese man on the boat with me...
That's all I remember...
I know random...

*Side note* I really hope that I can make it out of the glass hallway unscathed...

Dear people of the Customer service industry,

2011-11-17T10:46:00.000-08:00

I understand that everyday people are rude to you but that doesn't mean that you have to take the same approach in your work.
I did nothing to warrant your bad attitude and I am simply trying to get in and out of your store as quickly as possible.
When I approach you, you could Oh, I don't know try a smile or a friendly gesture instead of the look of annoyance that you so graciously put on your face.
This is after all your job, you signed up for this, no one is forcing you to work with people.
You could work in a morgue, become a lion tamer and even a pilot but you chose this.
So when I ask you if you know where something is, don't let out a huge sigh,
throw down whatever you were doing and walk away from me with out a single
"I'll be right back"
"Let me check, I just started here"
or
"I'm not quite sure"
because guess what... This is your job.

Sincerely,
Me

Boundaries...

2011-11-09T09:20:00.000-08:00

This weekend my phone was invaded.... with phone calls from my boss. He was calling me incessantly. I have a policy...
I don't answer work calls on the weekends. That's my personal time. My boss has developed an very unhealthy attachment to me
and it would be a disservice,
not only me but to him as well, if I answered all the time.
He has called me to ask me how to back up his vacation pictures onto his computer and I'm just like that's not my job. So I come to work today to discover the reason behind his incessant calling. His daughter had a school project and he wanted me to type it up...
Wait... What? Really... Are you serious?

I'm just over this job, Ugh, I feel like I'm painting my boss in a bad light.
He's a really nice guy which is why I don't mind going out of my way for him
but at some point I have to draw a line and I am totally at that point...
I've been looking for a new job but at this point in time nothing has come up.
Hopefully something will pop up and I can escape what is becoming my hell...
I know when I start to feel this way,
it's time to find something else and fast.

In other news...
Nanowrimo is coming along, not as well as I had hopes for but I will keep at it.

Hocus Pocus...

2011-10-31T18:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!!
This has to be one of my favorite holidays besides Christmas,
It's the one day a year where everyone is weird and no one judges them for it! lol

I love seeing all the costumes, I like to think that the costume that a person chooses reflects their personality.
this year for Halloween I was an owl, Nix was Cleopatra.I spent 2 days working on my costume, I'd like to think the effort was worth it!
I also hung out with my little cousin Bella... here are some pic's.
Tomorrow I start NaNoWriMo!
Which stands for National Novel Writing Month,
For the past two years I have participated in it and I have yet to finish a book,
I'm hoping that this is my year.
I'm going to have to write at least 12,500 words a week to reach my 50,000 word goal.
In order to do this I'm going to set aside an hour each day of pure writing time.
I'm really excited for this and I have been looking forward to it all month.
So wish me luck everyone!
I'm going to go watch Hocus Pocus (my favorite Halloween movie) to add the cherry on top of my... All Hollows Eve.

*Side Note* I think my mother was more excited about the Halloween caramel apples that she bought then Bells. lol

Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, Be running up that building.

2011-10-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

It’s hard, trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

I want to go back to school and get a degree in art therapy, I feel like it’s a really good fit for me. I am good at listening and I feel that art is a fantastic way to express yourself.

At the same time, there is so much more that I want to do… I think my problem (and I’m not trying to sound conceited in any way) is that I am really good at a lot of things and I want to do everything. Is that even feasible?

I draw, I paint, I bake, I craft, and I write.

I would like to become a writer and a book illustrator and the next week I want to open a coffee shop/ bakery. Ask me what I want to do a week later and I guarantee it will be something else. I like learning skills and gaining knowledge, I have a passion for that.

You have no idea how many half written stories I have on my computer and my drawings are slowly taking over my room. Don’t get me started on the books… Stacks of them everywhere, books on psychology, writing, crocheting, fiction, biographies, sewing, starting businesses, and knitting. Look in a corner of my room and you’ll see a book.

I’m in a very introspective mood right now. I don’t really know where I am going with this post anymore. Next month is NaNoWrMo (National Novel Writing Month) and every year I take part in it and every year I get discouraged at some point and give up but I get a little farther each time.

Last year’s book was about zombies (I’m kind of sad I didn’t finish it, every once in a while I open it up and write a little more in it) and this year I plan on writing about a song. I have started creating an outline for it and I am hoping that if I prepare ahead of time this year I will be able to finish it in the allotted time.

*Side note* How much are you loving Fall right now!

White demon love song's in her dreams....

2011-10-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

I was just listening to White Demon Love Song by The Killers...
You know that moment when you hear a song that you've
heard before and for the first time you really hear it.
Well I just had one of those moments.
Its like waking up.
I haven't done a song interpretation in a while
So after letting the song encapsulate my brain I figured I would do one....

The song starts off by telling you a story of a girl that is in love
with someone that doesn't love her the same way
and the memory of him is haunting her.

White demon love song down the hall
White demon shadow on the road
Back up your mind, there is a call
He isn't coming after all
Love this time
She likes the way he sings
White demon love song's in her dreams

She misses him and when he walks back into her life
she is hesitant because of the pain that he caused her in the first place.
she realizes that she has placed him on a pedestal that he can not live up to.
All he ever brought her was tears.

White demon, where's your selfish kiss?
White demon sorrow will arrange
Let's not forget about the fear
Black invitation to this place that cannot change
While strangely holy, come for a rain

She tells him how much he hurt her
in hopes that he might see the error of his ways
She tells him that he will end up alone
if he keeps treating people with such disregard

(Darling)
White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?
White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?

She offers him one last chance, almost pleading with him.

Let us be in love
(Let us be in love)
Let's do old and grey
(Let's do old and grey)
I won't make you cry
(I won't make you cry)
I will never stray
(I will never stray)
I will do my part
(I will do my part)
Let us be in love tonight

White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?
White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?

(Stand it anymore, darling)
(Stand it)

He sees the dept to which he has hurt her and he decides that he wants to be with her
But she doesn't want to be with him, she just wanted the choice,
and she doesn't want to be with a man that she had to plead with to love her.
She tells him to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions.
She leaves feeling lighter.

(I can't stand it anymore, darling)
(Stand it)

What do you think?
I went to songmeanings.com to see if someone else had gotten the same thing from the song
but the people there are either comparing it to twilight or hating on the twilight people.
Truth is music is interpreted by the person that is listening to it and sometimes they make it mean what they need it to mean.

Psychic Reading

2011-09-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

She started off by telling me
"Your stubborn and when you want to get things done you do.
Your a very productive person, you are always doing some thing. You like to keep busy but I see that you have been stuck in a place that is not good for you involving your career..."

The she asked me where I was working and I told her.
"I see new things happening for you in your career something different from what you are doing now, before the end of this year a job in the arts."

"right now this is the time for your career and friends, I see new friends coming into your life but keep your old friends they are genuine people"

"As far as love I see two people in your past that really hurt you, One still thinks about you because you were the only person that made an effort to be with him and the other person you were genuine with and he didn't know how to be with you, He was the kind of person that doesn't know how to be in a relationship, I also see an issue with substance abuse, I see that he isn't in the right state of mind and I don't see the relationship turning into anything. "

"There are a lot of men around you right now but you have not meet the "One".
You will be married in two years and before the end of the year you will meet the "One" he will have dark hair and dark eyes"

"I see you moving" then she asked me what my living situation was like.
"I see you living with friends but the your moving before the end of this year"

So that was my reading, apparently a lot of things are going to be happening for me by the end of this year. My issue with getting psychic readings is does knowing create a self fulfilling prophecy?

Although I will say she was spot on about how I was feeling about my work situation.
The thing is she's really consistent with her readings like last time I was there almost a year ago she said I was going to be married in 3 years and now its 2 years.
Well lets see what happens? ^_^

so I always shall remember him....

2011-09-26T00:15:00.000-07:00

So today I was thinking about my past relationships...
Every once in a while I do this..
The reason I did this was because a song came on the radio and it reminded me of someone.
So I thought I might be fun to make a small list of people that I once dated and the thing that reminds me of them.
Here we go!

St- Coldstone
Chi- Roller blades
Pl- A trinity knot necklace
A- Spearmint gum
Ju- Jimmy Eat world- Night drive
P- Sara Bareilles- Love song
E- Bruce Willis
Sn- Max Bemis and the Painful Splits- Do the Dohnk
J- Eisley- I Wish

Even though they are no longer in my life they still have a place in my memory.

My Sister's 18th!!

2011-09-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today my sister is 18 years old...

Its really strange for me to say that, it feels like shes still 12 years old..
but shes only 2 years from 20.
Blows my mind.
I am proud of the young woman she has started to become
and
I can't wait to see the young woman she will be.
So on this day...
Happy birthday Angelia
(aka Monkey aka Lea aka Pip aka Angeloser aka Lee)
I love you!
^_^
(After looking at some pictures of my sister and I,
we always seem to be on the same sides of our most of out pictures.. weird)

Deep in the thick of it...

2011-09-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday,

I took a little trip to the Brooklyn Flea Market with My sister and my friend Mira. On the way there we passed this little indoor artist market.
It was pretty rad, I saw this guy who had on a outfit that I would want to grace my own closet, sometimes I wish I was bolder with my fashion choices.After walking around the artist market and exploring the goods at the flea, we took a walk in the small park right next to the flea and hung out by the water where I proceeded to harass my Mira and Angelia with my camera.Then we headed over to Van Leeuwen's for some Ice cream I tried the Earl Gray, and it was Amazing!
All in all a really great day, it was the kind of simple day that you look back on and remember it fondly, even thought we did nothing Extraordinary it was a great day.
I hope that your weekends are as Awesome as mine!!

Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance...

2011-09-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

Sorry Blog.... I have been ignoring you...
Anyway for a few moments in time I was thinking about just packing a bag and driving away. Away from everything I know and just start new somewhere.
The thought was really appealing.
It kind of startled me how willing I was to grab some things and leave.
It wasn't scary and I wasn't worried about what would happen to me
because I feel like not matter what I would be okay.
Do people still do this... I'm sure they are the brave ones.
People that have no ties to the place they reside.
I have too many ties here.

So I just finished Neil Gaiman's "Anansi Boys" It was really good, every time I read a new Gaimen book, my love for him grows just that much more.
Here is an interview with him and Craig Ferguson.

I want to share my love with you.....

2011-08-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

A note on the circus:

I want to be apart of the making of magic,
I want to be around the weavers of fantasy, the spinners of dreams and the creators of the illusion. I want to breathe in the air that has tiny invisible sparkles of light that cause you to see everything with a childlike sense of wonder.

I want to feed off the happiness of the crowd and let it engulf me in a storm of silver glitter and golden light, stealing me away to a place that knows no sadness only joy and a lightness of the soul that never lets me touch the ground.

I crave the nomadic lifestyle, nothing static, my world in a constant state of flux.
New faces attached to a different town that looks like a place I once knew in another life.

I want the smell of cotton candy and fresh popcorn to fill my nostrils every morning upon my waking and I want the sound of children's laughter to drown out the doubts that haunt me at night. I want the vibrations of the crowd's cheers to crawl inside my skin and cause it to hum and glow with light.
But what I want more then anything is to become the illusion,
not just the maker or the designer,
when you look at me I want you to have to shield your eyes
because the light that I am emitting is too much for your eyes to handle.
I want to soar up high in a cloud of shear white silk and rhinestones, not unlike a comet making a trail in the night sky, your eyes glued to the magic unfolding before you.

This is the place that I visit in the small corner of my mind.
So if you see a girl with brown hair and brown eyes that are staring off into space and you wonder where her mind has taken her.
That girl is me and that girl is also circus performer dancing among the stars.

Lovely Words

2011-08-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

I found this quote from Neil Gaiman that I love, enjoy:

"There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle.

You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sign, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.

Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.

Whenever it rains you will think of her. "
— Neil Gaiman

A moviescript ending...

2011-08-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

So lately I have been taking part of Epix free movie screenings in Brooklyn every
Wednesday night. I really dig it. It's like a movie and a picnic. ^_^
They have vendors there if you want to buy food and there is usually some sort of sponsor that is handing out free stuff to the people who attend.
Last week it was vitamin water and southwest airlines.

Every week they show a different movie last week was
"Ferris Buellers day off" and this week it's "Clueless"
They have a good selection of movies, not only in Brooklyn but all over NYC.

If you would like to check it out here is a link:
Epix Movie Screening

It's something I look forward to every week.
Defiantly something I suggest doing!

Who truly stuck the knife in first...

2011-07-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

I wasn't a huge Amy Winehouse fan but she was an Amazing singer.
I found this cover of "You know that I'm no good.."
(which is my favorite song of her's) that does the song justice.
RIP Amy
you wasted your talent,
which is the real tragedy.

I'm Sh sh Shaking....

2011-07-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

So something really weird has started happening to me last week.
I was in bed just on the cusp of sleep, when all of a sudden my bed started shaking.
I got up and looked around and I realized that it wasn't just the bed that was shaking
It was the whole house...

Now If I could just take a moment and describe the shaking it was like I ate a cell phone and It was on vibrate mode.

At this point in time: 3 things Popped into my head...

1. This is a dream/night terror that has leaked into reality.
2. My room is haunted
and
3. The house is going to explode.

I got out of bed and the floor was shaking, I put my hand on the wall, it too was shaking.
I went to my mothers room and woke her up and asked "Do you feel the house shaking?"
She looked at me with sleep and confusion glazing her eyes.
"What?... No..."
"Do you?"

Ok, so now I'm thinking, Ive finally lost it, It was bound to happen at sometime or another.
Like a mad person tying to find proof of sanity by convincing another person that there is in fact a pink elephant in the room, I asked again "Are you sure you don't feel the house shaking?"

My mother got up from her bed and walked over to me
"You really don't feel the floor shaking?"I said
"No honey I don't feel anything"
"I guess it's me.. Feel me am I shaking?"
She put her hands on my arms and was quiet for a few seconds
"Nope, I don't feel anything"

I then explained to her what had happened while I was asleep, she dismissed it as a dream/night terror scenario, and that was that..
Until a day later when I was sitting in bed with my sister and I started vibrating again, this time I wasn't sleeping and very much awake.
For me that means its time to Google.

So I typed in Vibrating while asleep, Shaking Graves disease, thyroid vibrating and so on and so forth.
It turns out that other people are experiencing what I am experiencing ...

If your interested here is a link to one of the forums I was reading...
Sleep Disorders

Its a lot of mixed opinions some people say its because I have an autoimmune disease others say I am traveling outside of my body.
Whatever.
All I know is that it is incredibly unsettling.
more then likely it is a symptom of my graves disease...
Just something new I have to deal with, I still in the process of taking test to see how serious my graves is, I just have to wait and see....

The day that I die?

2011-07-03T19:43:00.001-07:00

So I took this quiz online called
"Death Meter"
and they ask you a bunch of questions about your lifestyle and based on that Data
they can tell you the day that you are going to Die.
Being the Curious person that I am I took the Quiz.
And my results were......

June 3rd 2071
Time remaining: 21884 days
So I will be 84 years, 5 months, 3 days old.

I wonder if this has any truth to it, I doubt it.
This test is purely based on your lifestyle choices not on accidents.
You know you can be hit by a car tomorrow or a piano can fall on your head.
so yeah just thought this was interesting....

So I can Die Happy....

2011-06-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

Today I received the most amazing phone call ever...
A Mister Max Bemis called me!
Eeepp! I don't know how I made it through the call without passing out.
It was a short convo but it totally made my weekend, I was really awestruck.
I was floating around the house for a good hour.

Max was so nice he thanked me for buying a song from him and I told him how much I loved it. Sigh.... It was magical, at least for me. ^_^

Gah, so in other (less girly and gushy) news...

This weekend I was supposed to go away with my aunt, and things didn't quite go as expected which I was really bummed about, I had been looking forward to the trip since she told me about it.
Sometimes these things just don't work out though.
So instead I went to the movies with my sister and we saw "Bad Teacher"
It was really funny, We laughed a lot.
but the weekend isn't over quite yet so I'm sure I'll have more to report later.

Also I wanted to take a minuter and express my love for the new Panic! at the Disco album "Vices and Virtues" I have been listening to it non stop for the past week.
One of my Fave songs is "I wanna be Free"
I'ts seriously Amazing, my favorite Lyrics:

"I wanna be free
I wanna be loved
I wanna be more than you're thinking of
Everything seems to be estranged when you're alone"

so yeah that's all I have to talk about now, I'll keep you posted blog.
^_^

*Side Note* He called me, he called me, he called me, he called me.....

Booggity, booggity, booggity, booggity shoop....

2011-06-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

About to write a post and the original Hairspray comes on TV.

One of my Favorite movies(I have many). It is truly and John Waters Classic, along with Cry Baby (another Fave).

I love the clothing style (very 60's) in this movie, I want to dress like that... Sigh.

Ps. I don't know if a lot of people know this, but John Waters is Hilarious! I watch this special he had on HBO and I laughed sooo hard through the whole thing.

Speaking of the 60's, I salvaged the most amazing vintage hard shell suitcase, it has this beautiful silver and green floral print fabric lining the inside. I can't wait to travel someplace so I can pack my lovely new suitcase. I wont have to wait too long though. In about a month I will be heading to Cape May for a week, I am sooooo Excited for it.

Another thing I am excited about it that recently my Grandmother bought a family membership for the wildlife conservation. That means I can go to the zoo whenever I want. YAY!

I see myself going to central park zoo alot this summer.

Well that's all for now!

*Side Note* I think I am going to update my blog look soon

Me

2011-05-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

me in a nutshell.....

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run

2011-05-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

So I feel like I have been a really bad Blogger as of recently. Thisngs keep happening and I'm all like "Must remember to blog about that".. and then I forget. It's such a bummer.

But here I am once again, trying to recall events that I haven't told you about and that are waay late. ahh ok lets start with what I like to call "The Great Firefighter Fiasco" A few weeks ago, I locked myself out of my car. I felt so dumb because not only did I lock myself out of my car but I also left it running. I was about 3o minutes away from my house and I had to get to work.

So I did what most girls would do in that situation, I called my Dad. He told me to calm down and that he would go home grab my spares and head to me after he picked up my sister from school.

That ment he wouldnt be able to get to me for at least another hour. So I started walking around the area that I was stranded in and first started looking for a dry cleaner in hopes of finding a wire hanger to somehow McGuiver my way into my car. Of course because of my amazing luck not a dry cleaner in sight.

There was however a 99 cent store, So I walked in and asked the clerk in they had wire hangers, he looked at me like I had 3 heads and then asked me what I needed it for. In my head I was like

A. Why is that any of ur business?

B. To knit a sweater stupid.

and

C. What do you use hangers for?

But instead I said "I locked myself out of my car..."

he said "oh, Why dont you just go the the firehouse down the street?"

I kinda didnt want to take that route but I really had no other choice.

So with that I had a new mission. I walked to the firehouse and rang the bell.

I took a few minutes for anyone to come to the door, a firefighter came to the door and I told him the situation. he said "Well the truck is out right now but it should be back soon, let me see what I can do" he dissapeared what seemed like a lifetime. and he then returned with another firefighter (Who I must say looked less then thrilled).

I walked with them back to my car.

They began to work at opening my car and then a small crowd begain to form around my car making me so uncomfortable. One man looked thrilled to see me in my disstress anther started talking to the firefighters saying "I am a professional Car thief" to which I wondered why the hell someone would say that so nonchalantly.

A few moments later the Firetruck arrived.... With the entire crew..... to assisst one girl... That was locked outside of her car... Now I dont know about you but is that really nessassary....

Luckily a few moments later the original two firefighters managed to open my car door.

I ended up really late for work... Thats the sad part of the story....

And drunkards seem to all agree...

2011-05-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

That I havn't been posting like I should be.

These last few weeks have been insane so here are a few things going on...

Make fake mustaches and took pics

I have been working on suff for my etsy shop.

I went to a wedding (and realized that I have been to more funerals then weddings)

My car was in and out of the shop

I locked myself out of my car... yeah I know

Hung out with my great Grandmother.

Had mothers day with my Mom and Aunt.

So later tonight, I am going to post a major post with pictures and more details about my adventures over the past weeks.

Blinding Snow White

2011-04-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

This is a Music video I made for Florence and The Machine's "Blinding"

I have been obsessed with this song for a few weeks and every time I listen to it I imagine Snow white, So I decided to make my own Vid, using clips from my favorite version of Snow White titled Snow White: A Tale of Terror.

Enjoy!

*Side Note* Let me know what you think!

Eisley's Valley and Better Love

2011-04-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

I am in love with the new Album from Eisley (The Valley).

I think it's Amazing. Here are 2 songs off the album.

And I love the feel of this video, It's so spur of the moment jam session-y. I dig, Enjoy!

I heart Amanda Palmer... ^_^

2011-04-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

She is one of my Idol's, she is so creative and funny in like this completely different and Amazing way. Thank you for inspiring me everyday, Amanda.

Now my life is one big make it, or break it.

2011-04-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

So far April has been a whirlwind for me...

I got my Song shop song from a mister Max Bemis.

It is Amazing. It's almost like he knows me

Then I tried my hand at making Macrons (a french pastry) and they came out sooo yummy

After that I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease.

It sounds scarier then it actually is.

Graves’ disease is an autoimmune disease that affects the thyroid.

With Graves’ disease, the immune system makes antibodies that act like TSH, causing the thyroid to make more thyroid hormone than your body needs.

This is called an overactive thyroid or hyperthyroidism.

An overactive thyroid causes every function of the body to speed up, such as heart rate and the rate your body turns food into energy.

Graves’ disease is one cause of overactive thyroid.

It is closely related to Hashimoto’s disease, another autoimmune disease affecting the thyroid.

Basically my body is attacking my thyroid and my thyroid is freaking out.

I think my case is extreme because I don't exhibit all of the symptoms.

So i'm not really worried about it and it's not like there is a whole lot I can do about it right now

So yeah....

April...

yeah...

So um....

Lol ok I think that's all for right now.

I wanted to post some pics of my Macrons but.. I don't feel like getting up to get my camera...

So it will have to wait for another post.

^_^

*Side note* The blanket octopus is beautiful....

DIY... Just another word for Awesome..

2011-03-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

So for a few weeks now I have been trying to figure out the best way to keep my sunglasses organized and on display.

I finally came up with a solution.

I am super happy with the results!!

So here is a DIY and my Project Restyle. Enjoy!

My supplies:

Plastic Frame

White Lace

Teal Spray paint

White Paint

Headband

Glue

Sea Sponge

buttons

Stapler

I started with this plastic frame I found at the dollar store. (I was totally hating the gold.)

Here is a picture of the Frame, lace and spraypaint.

Here I spray painted the frame, I took about 3 coats to fuller cover the gold, If you had a silver frame it would look nice if you let a little silver shine though.

While the frame was drying I streched lace over the back of the frame.

I used staples to secure itI took this headband that I got at the dollar store, I never wear it so I didn't feel guilty for cutting it up. ^_^All cut up...

Then I took one of the strips, glued it down (and stapled for good measure) then trimmed the ends.

When the Frame was dry I took the White paint and the sea sponge and went over the entire frame, dabbing here and there.

Here is a close up.

After that dried I put it all together and got this

(I did have a bit of an issue witht the cord, when I put the glasses on it sagged. So I stapled the center and then covered it with a clear vintage button and a small teal button )

I hope you enjoyed this DIY!!

A Day to Remember

2011-03-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

It's easy to forget that humans are such fragile beings, we can be hurt physically and mentally with the slightest of ease.

Some people act so strong that you think that you can't possibly hurt them, but inside they could be as fragile as a newborn.

Its kind of amazing.

The human body is amazing as well, we do so many horrible things to our bodies and yet it adapts and keeps going.

I am in a revelation-y type of mood today. Things are running around my head

My mom told me that today is my Grandmothers death day. I miss her like crazy. She was one of those sweet grandmas, that made you feel warm and cuddly.

Here's a story from when I was younger.

I was sleeping over my Grandma's house one night.

I couldn't sleep so I was looking over the edge of the bed, listening to my Grandma snoring next to me.

My Grandma had a cat named Gato, while I was staring down at the cream colored carpet, Gato came out from under the bed.

He was playing with something,

When I took a closer look at the thing that he was playing with, it moved. Realizing what it was I started to scream, waking up my grandmother in the process.

She woke with a start and looked at me and asked "What is it?"

I just screamed "Gato's got a mouse"

as I stood on the bed on my tipy toe's.

My Grandmother started screaming for my uncle Tommy, who came in a rush.

He poked his head in the room and said

"Whats going on"

My Grandmother said "Gato's got a mouse, get it Tommy"

At this point I was crying and hysterical.

He looked at us like we were retarded and said "that's it.. calm down."

He left the room for a few seconds and came back with a broom.

"Where is it?"

We pointed to where Gato was and Gato sensing that his toy was going to be taken away, ran away with the squirming mouse.

My uncle started calling Gato and trying to coax him out from behind the bed.

I remember my uncle using the broom trying to get Gato and the mouse, and me saying

"Get it uncle!"over and over again.

When he finally got it he disposed of the mouse,

My Grandma and I were laughing with relief.

*Side Note* I'm kinda obsessed with the color Lavender right now....

Guess what? I am not a robot...

2011-03-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Took a little trip yesterday to visit my grandmother in Brooklyn.
She just got a cute new puppy and she wanted me to see it.
I am more then happy to oblige.
^_^

Before I went to her house
I headed to Peter Pans Donut shop, they have the best Old Fashioned Crullers, and they are my favorite.
I was feeling snap happy so I took a few pics of the things I saw...

(of course I'm going to subject you to them... Wait, I am no better then those people who force others to oooh and ahh over their vacation or cat photo's? hmmm... )

Here we go

My Adorable Great Grandmother

After all of that my sister and I took a trip to Jersey to see my aunt and little cousin Isabella, she is the cutest thing ever

So that was pretty much my Sunday... I think it was a good one.

*Side Note* I have yet to get my hair cut and I've been talking about getting one for about a month now... I still need it...

I don't know if I was awake or asleep when I wrote this

2011-03-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

What it is about me that inspires drunken Irish men to talk to me...

and I'm not quite sure whats wrong with me because I talk back to them... lol

It's becoming a pattern.... and I don't know how I feel about it.

I'm watching The Pee-wee Herman show on Broadway on HBO, It made me think of this documentery I watched a while ago, It was about Paul Rubens.

He had a cool childhood... I have to admit I am jealous of it.

Short story, he grew up around circus folk and that inspired him to become an actor.

I would have loved to grow up in that enviorment!

I would probably be a better juggler for it too.

Speaking of which, I was practicing diabolo the other day and I am so out of practice.

but anyway thats all for now...

How does your heart beat and why do you breathe...

2011-03-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

so I have been neglecting my blog for the past few weeks for a reason.
I have been insanely busy.. I was working, helping my mom plan my dads 50Th bday party and hanging out with friends.
I am so tired.
I feel like I have so much to write about but I don't want this to be a long post so I will break it up into a few post.
First I want to talk about my trip to the Zoo, Central Park Zoo that is.
I had so much fun. They were training a new sea lion named Brusier.
He was so friendly and he came right up to me and started posing for my cam.
I wandered around the zoo and it was totally calming
I saw the penguins and the Polar bears.
After the Zoo I went to meet my aunt in the city for a play.
We watched Priscilla Queen of the Desert, It was totally awesome!
Sooo so funny.

Well that's all for now, here are some of the pics I took from the Zoo!

This is Bruiser

Pretty Parrots
Bruiser with his trainer

I Wish....

2011-02-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

My new song obsession...
is off of Eisley's new album "The Valley"
The song is "I Wish".
I have been listening to it non stop for the last 3 days.
Its very melodic and soft at first
then it sucks you in with this catchy beat
I have found myself singing it while doing things that don't require my full attention.
I think the first 3 lines in the first verse is kind of reminds me of how I feel at the moment.

"I walked into this life a lover

And I was carrying

A deep hope for you

I lit up like a fire

I watched you from afar

A blazing burning star

I came alive

A design

The tree of life... Is what you are"

I just love the lyrics, they paint this beautiful picture in my head of a first love.
Eisley has seemed to capture it in a melody.
Experiencing it for the first time with untainted eyes
completely awkward and unsure of how to act on your feelings...

Here are the rest of the lyrics:
(PS There are no official lyrics so I had to type this up myself, so it may not be completely accurate)

Ooooooh Ahoooo I wish you felt this waaay

You say Oh baby start again

Oooooh Ahoooo I wish you felt this way

You say,you take the pain away

You say, you take away the pain

So tell me it,

Do you feel this,

Cause your not sure what’s required

And do you hear this

Your not expected to be forthright

Your so profound

But your not found

And If I could Id just claim you

Ooooooh Ahoooo I wish you felt this waaay

You say Oh baby start again

Oooooh Ahoooo I wish you felt this waaaay

You say, you take the pain away

You say , you take away the pain

Ooooooohhhh oooo

I came alive

Oooooooooohhhh oooo

A new design

Ooooooh Ahoooo I wish

Ooooooh Ahoooo I wish you felt this waaay

You say Oh baby start again

Oooooh Ahoooo I wish you felt this waaaay

You say Oh baby start again

You say, you take the pain away

You say , you take away the pain

Anyway, I think I have gone on about this enough... So next topic.
I have been inspired latey to paint on canvas,
something I normally don't do because I suck when it comes to painting.
That being said, the only way to improve is to practice.
So I have rolled up my sleeves and picked up my paints and canvas
and I am attempting it.

Thus far my attempts look like that of a high school freshman... Kind of sad, but I still like them.
I might post some pics...
I might not... Lets see how I feel at the end of this post.
In my head I want to pick up a brush and bust out a piece like Audrey Kawaskai,
but I know that is improbable.
I'm just going to keep at it.
Hopefully I will see some improvement in the next few months...
Ok, ok here are pics of the paintings..

Sleeping Blue

Sisters
Forest of Shadows

*Side Note* I still haven't gotten my hair cut and I am starting to really need it....

*Side Side Note* While writing up this post, I have listened to "I wish" about 30 times.

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive...

2011-02-20T18:28:00.000-08:00

So this week I got to talking to a friend about Big Bang Theory, one of my favorite shows, we ended up discussing the relationship between Penny and Leonard.

He claimed that a relationship between the two is unfeasible because Leonard is only attracted to Penny's good looks, and basically that their relationship has an expiration date, as does Penny's Beauty.

I do not agree... but it got me to thinking... as per usual...

In our society, we base our opinions of people by the way they look.

You start with their eyes, then you move other features of their face and you continue with the way they carry themselves. If they are talking with someone, you see how they move their lips when they talk, only when you find these things appealing do you maybe even attempt in a conversation with them.

I mean I don't look around a room and look for the person with a scowl on their face to start up a convo.

(usually because that's me...)

So yes, I will say that the thing that draws someone to someone else initially is their physical appearance, but once you get pass all of that it's the person that makes you stay or walk.

I believe that in a relationship between two people, where one person lacks the other person tends to pick up the slack. For example:

The woman is loud and the life of the party whereas the guy is quiet and keeps to himself.

Another example: The woman hates to cook and the guy loves to cook.

There has to be a balance between the two in order for it work, at the same time you need to have some common ground, like a love for obscure 1960 films.

So in the Case of Penny and Leonard where they may not have a lot of common ground, they do complement each other.

Penny is loud and isn't afraid to give you her opinion

Leonard is timid and has a hard time telling people off.

Penny is kind and cares about others.

Leonard is kind, but he tends to be a little more reluctant to help

(usually ends up being guilted into helping)

In conclusion... I think they should be together and it can in fact work and last.

The sun is shining somewhere

2011-02-14T13:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day!
In honor of this day I have come up w ith 2 song playlist for you to check out.
For those of you who are attached, grab the one you love and have a micro dance party.

1. I want you-- Fefe Dobson
2. Crush'd-- Say Anything (of course)
3. Must have dones something right-- Relient K
4. Green eyes-- I am the Avalanche

5. She likes me for me-- Collective Soul
6.Valentine-- Shades Apart

For those of you who are single, grab your Ice cream of choice and grab these songs:

1. No Surprise-- Theory of a Deadman
2. Rolling in the Deep-- Adele
3. Made Of Stone-- Envy on the Coast
4. Don't Speak Liar-- We the Kings

5. Die Alone-- Ingrid Michaelson
6. My second restraining order--I am the Avalanche

and I had a mini photo shoot here are the pic's:

*Side note* Have you seen the key to my Heart? If you do let me know...

Wanderlust comes creeping up...

2011-02-10T16:36:00.000-08:00

I want to go somewhere... Anywhere.

Take a long drive or maybe a weekend trip...

I want to escape for a little while.

I think escape is the wrong word... Vacate is better.

Vacate reality and insert myself into another world.

I miss traveling...

What inspired this wanderlust you ask?

My boss was looking up flights today and I became incredibly jealous.

I want to hop on a flight to somewhere warm... I miss the sun.

These hardcore winter months have left me wanting.

I have to get out of here.. but I can't, I'm trapped by my wallet.

So for now I have to just travel in my mind...

*Side Note* I tried the most Amazing beer the other night, any one who knows me, knows that I am not a fan of beer... but Fruli's Strawberry Beer now owns my heart..

In my dreams began to creep.. That old familiar Tweet, tweet, tweet....

2011-02-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

So I have become obsessed with the notion of getting a bird...

I have never had a bird before,

I remember one point in my childhood wanting a parrot and

my mother said something along the lines of... "No way in hell"

and with the notion of getting a bird has come the notion of getting a cage.

(how many more times can I say "notion", my goodness!)

I found the exact kind of cage I would want on ebay...

Something like this is perfect.

Vintage and that metal lace pattern along the top is beautiful.

But I feel like I could make a bird cage...

So its got in my head that I am going to make a bird cage...

I feel like somehow this will end up with me buying the cage on ebay because the one I made is crooked and unappealing... only one way to find out right.... ^_^

*Side note* I want a Parakeet... I didn't mention that...

By morning, you'll be gone...

2011-01-30T18:15:00.000-08:00

I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind" the other day.
I have seen it before and I remember loving it, so much so that I bought the DVD.

So the other day I was bored and in the mood to watch a movie, so I rooted around my DVD collection and picked out this movie.
And this time... It really struck me.
It is sooo amazing.

It's one of those movies that make you think. Here is a description:

(Joel is played by Jim Carrey and Clem is played by Kate Winslet)

A man, Joel Barish, heartbroken that his girlfriend Clementine underwent a procedure to erase him from her memory, he decides to do the same. However, as he watches his memories of her fade away, he realizes that he still loves her... but it may be too late to correct his mistake.

It makes me wonder...
If you fell out of love with someone, how far would you go to to start over?

Some of my favorite quotes:

Clementine: You know me, I'm impulsive.
Joel: That's what I love about you.

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

[Joel calls Clem on the telephone]
Clementine: What took you so long?
Joel: I just walked in.
Clementine: Do you miss me?
Joel: Oddly enough, I do!
Clementine: You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!
Joel: I guess so!

This movie has made it to the list of my favorite movies.

*Side note* See This Movie!!

Home - Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros Acoustic Cover (Jorge & Alex...

2011-01-25T08:51:00.000-08:00

This duo has stolen my heart!

I hope that If I ever have kids one day, their father will do this with them.

I guess I have to find him first....lol

*Side note* I love the part when she turns to her dad and says "One day I'm gonna whistle?"

So flippin Cute!

Just sing the saddest song for me, revive me

2011-01-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but for some reason, I have felt angsty all day...
And for the most part the day was uneventful...
I have felt restless all day, and of course I had absolutely nowhere to be.
The weather was rainy (Which is my favorite)
But I just wanted to be around another human who I like, I didn't even need to talk.
And I found myself with nowhere to really turn.
In my attempt to find another I called my friend and basically invited myself over
(with permission)
I walked in on tension and then felt bad for intruding...
So I excused myself and drove around for about an hour.
I then called another friend, who I discovered, was having some of her own drama.
I felt crazy alone.
(not even a Peppermint hot Coco could mend my mood)
I eventually landed in Barnes and Noble, read a book and then came home to write this.
Now I am currently listening to Say Anything's "I used to have a heart."
There is a part in the song that stuck out to me and I feel like it's really fitting for how I feel at the moment:

All I want to do is be mended by you
I don't want to be confused, I just want to find you
All I want to kill is that which keeps me ill
Underwhelmed and unfulfilled

That's me in a nutshell today.
That expresses me more then all the words I could type here.
I feel rejected and let down by life today...
I think I'm being a tad dramatic...
I'm going to stop writing now...

When I took down my defenses for the first time there was something in me...

2011-01-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

I have been neglecting my juggling lately...

That kind of makes me sad, I really love juggling.

So I decided I'm going to start practicing again.

Yay.

So I'm going to make a small list here of my Juggling goals:

1. Juggling 2 Diabolo's

2. 2 ball columns

3. Learn contact juggling.

4. Learn more Diabolo tricks (ie. magic knot, cats cradle etc.)

5. Also doing tricks on the Rola Bola

I think this is a good place to start off.

Hopefully I will see an improvement soon.

In other News

I saw the Neon Tree's at Webster Hall the other night with my friend Mira....

Twas Amazing!

I kinda didn't know what to expect, the crowd was filled with upper east side trust fund baby's, which would have been fine if they didn't think that just because they paid for the ticket to the show that they now owned the venue.

But.. you have to pick your battle's.

and that was not one that I wanted to waist my brain cells over.

^_^

Despite that...

The show was great.

The Neon tree's brought it, and when I say brought it, they rocked so hard the walls and the floors shook with envy.

I will def be seeing them again live.

Here is a video of their latest single "1983" for your enjoyment:

(I love all the 80's references)

Any who on the more mundane side of life...

I need to cut my hair...

*Side Note* Me thinks it might be time to dye my hair back to normal... What do you think?

The suns in my heart and I'm ready for love...

2011-01-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

I am huge fan of 1960's/50's movies...

I am also a fan of rain.

There is only one movie that combines the two.

And that movie is....

Singing in the Rain.

It's a Classic and one of my favorite's.

Even nowadays if someone says Singing in the Rain, you know what they are talking about.

Something about movies in that time is magical.

The women oozed feminine grace and the men were completely charming.

It makes me swoon.

Haha

My favorite scene (which is probably everyone else's favorite) has to be this one:

It's so amazing!

I love the rain!

One of my favorite things to do is to run around in the rain.

Especially when it's warm out and the rain is cool and falling heavy.

I can't wait for the summer, so I can run around in the rain again.

Yay

*Side Note* I'm watching Bend it like Beckham ^_^

Viva La Crepe!

2011-01-04T06:57:00.000-08:00

If I had to pick a battle cry it would be "Viva La Crepe!!"

I don't know if you are aware of this little known fact but I am a huge supporter of Crepe's Especially one's smothered in the deliciousness that is Nutella.

In order to support my cause, I took a little trip to Viva La Crepe, a crepery on university plaza in NYC.

So here is a short video of me watching the... Creper? aka guy making the crepe.

dum spiro spero (while I breathe, I hope)

2011-01-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel already buried deep

Six feet under scream

But no one seems to hear a thing

I feel like that... I feel restless

I am getting this nagging feeling that I usually get before I quit a job...

I am trying to figure out what I really want...

I'm going to try and work up the nerve and talk to my boss tomorrow.

Hopefully it goes over well...

I feel bad for leaving my boss but at some point

you have to do what your heart is telling and you.

And right now my heart is screaming at the top of it's lungs.

I have to do what is best for me and I think what is best for me is to move on.

I want to go back to school get a new job and kinda start fresh.

I suppose every one's kinda feeling that way right now though.

New year and all.

I just don't want to look back and think "Why did I waste my time with that?"

I am really excited for the changes I feel that are headings in my direction.

*Fingers crossed*

I know in my heart that this is the right choice for me..

Just one more birthday....

2010-12-31T21:39:00.000-08:00

Let me guide you through the story of a boy and his curse

Tiny diamond in his stroller with his first step chasing the hearse

Sippin' at a cup that's half way filled

But looking forward to the day he pays that drinking bill

There's no peace, there's no quiet on this earth

He confided, nestled tightly in that womb beneath the dirt

Hurt no more and when he turned 24

He wrote a note to nail to God's front door that said

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

From the high paying job and the love of his life

He rode a roller coaster ride of lust on their wedding night

They made a baby in unmentionable ways

He was ungrateful as a man could be on that blessed day

And underneath he thought this is all a phase

Just a blip in the existence of a structure vast and great

Pray each night to his cross of a charm

For the one thing he couldn't afford just to buy the farm

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

I'll never lose another friend again

Or watch them start a war that's fought for ideals that are dead

I'll never have an argument again

Because my dust

will be your salt

My blood will hydrate you off

My heart will be your meal

And I won't ride the cycle of the way it kills to think and feel

No more, no

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

One sweet day his heart ceased to beat

He fell so fast beneath all our feet

Through bugs and snakes

Last words he had to say were

Help me claw my way to the surface

Oh sweet lord you know I deserve this

Just one more, just one more birthday

Shake it up...

2010-12-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

I am sooo lucky.

This holiday season I have felt incredibly Lucky.

Lucky:

to have my family.

to have Amazing friends that are more like family to me.

to be alive.

to have people in my life that care about me.

I just want to say Thank You to all of you!

Banana

Nix

Marmar

Vic

Jesse

Lea

My family.

Everyone who enriches my life purely by being in it.

Thank You.

I am surrounded by warmth and love.

I am sooo grateful and humbled.

This year has been a very conflicting year for me.

I have had my ups and downs but the important things remain constant.

This has past Christmas been the most magical for me.

It remind me of when a feeling I would get as a kid.

I would preform in talent shows and on those nights, I would sing or dance.

At the end of my performance, a member of my family would come up to the stage bringing with them a bouquet of flowers for me.

I would go to sleep those nights with such a high.

I would wake up the next morning and feel like it was all a beautiful dream,

and then I would see the flowers.

Here is a music video/commercial I fell in love with that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

As the new year approaches

I am faced with things I would like to sweep under the rug and forget about.

Friday I'm turning 24 years old, It's really weird to think that I will be 24.

It's sounds so grown up.

My birthday is generally kind of depressing for me.

I don't know why that is, but it's always been that way.

I don't really do a whole lot on my birthday even though it is a holiday.

I usually have dinner with my fam and then hang out around the house.

Hahaha, I sound so lame.

but really, I enjoy hanging out with my family.

Although this year it's going to be slightly different because I am going to dinner with the family on Saturday instead of Friday so I have no plans on my birthday...

which kinda sucks..

but I'll make the best of it.

Maybe I'll gather some friends and drag them out to the bar.

^_^

We shall see.

Total eclipse of the... Moon....

2010-12-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

I'm currently watching Donnie Darko....

I forgot what a great movie this is, some of these actors are now well known actor's.
Seth Rogan, Ashley Tisdale, Jake Gyllenhaal, Patrick Shwayze, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jerry Trainor of Icarly, Drew Barrymore, Jena Malone It's kinda crazy.
But anyway... I wanted to talk about the Luna eclipse we had the other day...
It was so magical!!! I got some amazing shots with my canon!
Here they are!

Isn't that Amazing...
It makes me love the randomness that is out universe just that much more.

You are the Ornament to my Christmas tree....

2010-12-16T10:57:00.001-08:00

So a few months ago
I signed up for a Ornament swap
through a blog called Freshlyblended
In the swap you have to design a handmade ornament
that you can make multiples of
and send them to the people in your assigned group.
I thought this was soooo Awesome.

I wanted my ornament to be something that you wouldn't normally see in the store.
So I made my ornaments and Today I finally sent them out.
I'm not going to post any pictures of the Ornaments quite yet,
I dont want to ruin it for my other group members.
^_^
I have to admit I am kind of proud of them.
Eeep.
I love getting the package in the mail and opening it only to discover a new Ornament.
When I get all of them I will do a post about them!
So Excited!

Here are what the packages look like:

(Aren't they cute!)

At the post office heading to their new homes... *Sniff*

*Side note* I want to package everything like this now...

A stabbing pain that says I lack

2010-12-13T17:12:00.000-08:00

I don't usually talk about my relationships (Past or Present) on my blog

but it's something I have been thinking about a lot lately

So to put my mind at ease here I go.

I was recently dating someone.

This is the first real dating I had done since my last relationship.

I thought the dates went well but I guess I was mistaken.

(I really liked him)

It just got me thinking...

and thinking for me is very bad...

I tend to dwell on things to the point where I over analyze...

but anyway the conclusion I have come to is...

I am unlucky in love.

At this point I feel like there has to be something wrong with me...

I am aware that I'm not perfect

I am stubborn, slightly pessimistic and can be moody

But I am also a good person.

I am easy going, fairly smart, creative, funny, honest and generous.

So I don't quite understand why I'm single.

Maybe I don't put myself out there enough or maybe It's just not in the cards for me.

I started looking back at past relationships to see what went wrong.

and here are reasons some of the relationships didn't work

1. I was trying to be something that I wasn't.

2. He couldn't accept me the way I was.

3. I wasn't ready for a relationship and I regret that.

(The only guy who ever treated me right)

4. He was to attached to me and that scared me

5. He used me and I let him.

6. They led me on

Most of my relationships ended badly and we couldn't remain friends,

I found that some of them resented me after the relationship.

I would even go as far as to say they hate me.

I could never really understand why,

I mean If I broke up with them I was just be honest with myself and the way I felt.

Whats the point of leading them on.

It would only hurt them and me more later.

It's just really disappointing, I always end up getting hurt.

Right when I start to let a guy past my defences, they just let me down.

It never fails, and now I expect it.

I don't want to be the girl that has been burned so many times, she cant let anyone in.

I fear that I am becoming just that.

I am very independent and I have a hard time asking for help.

I do not need a man

but it would be nice to have someone to share those little moments in life with.

Guys say they want the nice girl but I'm learning different.

*Side note* If you don't like me just tell me, I won't be upset, I promise.

Just don't have me believing that you do.

Not to mention its a waste of my time.

Why me....

2010-12-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

Defeat is written on her face as she looks at the computer screen...

Her eye's become glossy and tears well up on the bottom lashes.

She turns her face upward and let's out a sigh of anguish.

She pushes the laptop off of her in disgust and gets out of the bed.

She stands for a moment swaying on her feet.

As if an imaginary sting has been cut she falls to the floor as her body goes limp.

That's where her parents found her two hours later.

Her face pressed into the hardwood floor as she sobs silently.

A few hours later...

The men picked her up and placed her on a gurney.

They rolled her out of the room, her mother and father stood by helplessly

watching their eldest daughter wrapped in a crisp white straight jacket.

Her face was pale and her eyes were wide and red.

She was speaking in a hurried whispers as she passed them.

She whispered "I missed it, I missed it, how could I miss it."

Her words began to blur into each other as if she was speaking another language.

The above story (that I just wrote) is how I feel on the inside....

The reason you ask...

So Max Bemis is doing solo shows in Feb...

They went on sale today at 1pm....

I forgot...

So now... *Sob* I can't go.....

I can't believe I forgot!!!!

I am super mad at myself....

Sooo bummed...

I missed it....

*Side note* I dyed the back of my hair blue, I was really happy about that until this happened... life sucks right now....

You wanted arts and crafts, How's this for arts and crafts?

2010-12-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

So it's been a kinda crazy week for me.

I have been running around trying to get things ready for the craft show

this Sat. December 11th at White Plains High School.

I am really excited!

Ok so that aside I also have to get my Xmas stuff ready!

I feel like I have barely had anytime for myself.

There are so many things I have to still do for the show for Sat. and it feels like I'll never finish.

Also

Last friday I went to see My Chemical Romance for the first time in a few years

and they were AmAzing!! I love them sooo much!

I took soo many pictures! but I kinda dont know exactly where my camera is at this moment

but when I find it I will edit the post and include some photo's.

^_^

So I've gotta jet. Lots of this to do today and there are not enough hours in a day.

^_~

Talk to all of you soon!

Xoxoxo

*Side note* Changing things up a little. Talk to ya about it soon!

I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place

2010-12-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

So I have been posting a lot of vids lately...
and now I'm going to add 2 more. ^_^
These 2 vids are ones that I am currently obsessed with.
The first is by Middle Class Rut "New low"

and the second is by The Parlotones "Push me to the floor". Enjoy!

*Side note* My Chemical Romance Tonight!!

My mind is open wide and now i'm ready to start...

2010-11-28T20:23:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely day in the city with my mother today
We started on 12th street
and we walked downtown (of course stopping in shops along the way) to Broome street.
Our mission was simple, we were heading to Topshop to get my christmas present.
I had seen it on the website and fell in love with it.
Let me show you...
Knitted Lace Insert Jumper - Topshop USA

It was really love at first sight, haha I'm getting so romantic over a sweater.
But anyway we found it and we purchased!
I also dragged my mother into Lush, I'm working on converting her. ^_~

Oh, and as we were walking downtown I saw a cupcake cart and I bought us Mini cupcakes.
Only to see my favorite cupcake truck a few blocks later.
Sooo typical.
Anyway...

So after all the shopping and wandering that we did we went into my fave place for a bite to eat...
Chipotle!
Then we walked back to the car,
Where I realised we forgot to do something
I had wanted to stop at Union Square Park to check out the Holiday Fair that they have there every year.
Every year I buy a Trinity Knot something for myself.
They have a booth there that sells Celtic jewlery but alas it will have to wait.
I have until Xmas to get one.

Well this got me thinking of some of the things that I want to do....
So here is a short list of things that I want to do before the New year:

1. Go to Holiday Fair
2. Go on one of the Haunted walking tours in NY
link here---> GhostofNY
3. Get back into skating... Slowly of course... I don't need to injure myself.... Again.
4. Go to the Aquarium
5. Celebrate my Birthday/New year with the people I care about.

*Side note* I went on a date last Friday, that was pretty Awesome.... ^_^

These are a few of my favorite things...

2010-11-18T18:47:00.000-08:00

I think the post title says it all
So with no further ado and in no particular order
Here it goes:

Cupcakes
I don't know when exactly my love of cupcakes began, but I am currently obsessed with a bakery in Pleasentville called Flour and Sun bakery. Their Red Velvet cupcakes are out of this world!

Trinity Knots
When I was younger my family would rent a house for a week in the Hampton's, on one of our shopping trips, I was with my Grandma Gerry and I fell in love with a pair of earrings.
I begged my grandmother for them incessantly I remember her saying "Your never going to wear them" I replied "I'll wear them everyday" She eventually caved and bought them for me.
I wore those earrings for most of my childhood and I still have them. My collection of trinity knot has grown since then.

My Hairstylist
Mini, she is Awesome, the first time I ever went to her I was Extremely sick. I was running a ridiculous fever and I had set up the appointment in advance because my schedule at that time crazy and I wouldn't have time to do it another day. So I went despite feeling so craptastic. We had to stop several times because I felt like I was going to pass out. Despite all of that she did my hair amazingly well, she is the only person I trust with my hair.

Going to Concerts
I am going to sound like a total hippie but the energy that flows through the crowd at a show is like nothing I have ever experienced. You go through so many emotions : Elation, Sadness, Camaraderie and even Singularity.

Used book stores
I love the smell of all of the old books, digging through the miss matched stacks, finding a book that you read a long time ago, discovering your new favorite book. Being in a used bookstore brings me to a place of utter and complete calm. I love it.

You push me over and I crack...

2010-11-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

Say Anything...

I think I can officially say that they are my favorite band.

I have been to so many of their shows that I have lost track.

I was able to record some of their show when I saw them last week, unfortunately the sound is quite craptastic.. I was right under the speakers. but look at how close I was... eep!

So first a message from Max (that sounds good)

*Sigh* aren't they amazing....

ok ok i'm done being a dork... for today at least...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind....

2010-11-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

So I have become obsessed with this song and when I saw the video..

It became a problem.... any day now I expect my sister to stab me.

I just think it's such an amazing video, so inspiring, not to mention amazingly done.

Such a great way to translate the song.

I think my favorite segment of the video is when the guy is getting mugged by the three guys and he starts doing magic. Lol It makes me smile every time.

I am incredibly jealous of the lovely Katy Perry. I just think she is so talented and creative.

Well I think I'm going to stop gushing here.... I'm going to go watch this video again.

You should watch it too...

Take Me Out!

2010-11-07T18:30:00.000-08:00

Thing's like this make me love the city I live in even more! I love you, New York!

*Side note* I got my tickets last week and forgot to mention it. So Say Anything here I come

*Side side note* I miss you Jesse! and send me the link to your new blog, I can't find it!

For a minute there I lost myself.... I lost myself....

2010-11-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm kinda depressed lately...

I just don't want to talk to anyone, I feel myself slowly fold into myself.

It's like when something works out, something shitty happens

I got my Say Anything tickets in the mail and

then my car gets a flat at night next to a cemetery.

I find out that My Chemical Romance is going to be in New York in December

(Live Nation contacted me with the presale)

and I was and am pretty excited.

The tickets are like $50, then I get a ticket for running a red light in the mail.

There goes $50...

I know that was my fault but it's just like can't I catch a break.

I just... gahh... I want to dig a hole stick my head in it and pretend I don't exist.

Maybe I'll just do that.

I think I hate myself right now...

I hate where I'm at...

I am self sabotaging....

I feel like crap...

Things are becoming more apparent to me...

and they are hard things to face...

I am trying to make myself happy but failing miserably...

I don't know what to do anymore...

I just want to lay in bed and cry....

I want to cry until my eyes are dry and they hurt.

I feel like a failure at life and I don't know how to make it better..

I'm lost....

My starry eyes were sacrificed....

2010-10-23T22:13:00.001-07:00

So I am kinda pissed.....

I haven't gotten my Say Anything tickets in the mail yet

and

I ordered them in like July or something...

The show is November 9th...

I should have had my tickets way before now...

I find my self scouring the mail like a crazy person

*Enter Scenario*
The Dog goes crazy, like most dogs , Luna despises the Mailman.

"Luna calm down!" I say as I shake my head.

I know that it is pointless to tell her because she won't.

I look outside to see the mailman walking away from the house.

I think to myself...

"Maybe it's here today... just maybe..."
I rip the mail out of the box and the madness begins

I scan all the names on all the envelopes pausing ever so slightly when I come to the ones with my grandmothers name

(her name is Delia and as you know mine is Delilah)

all of this takes place in a matter or mere seconds.

I go through the finally letter and the disappointment creeps in.

I think "Maybe I overlooked it"

So I begin again only slightly slower, and I pause at my grandmothers name again..

Frustration now takes the place of disappointment.

I throw the mail down on the coffee table and

I think "Maybe tomorrow..."

*End*

This has been going on for a few weeks....

Where the hell is my Tix!!!!

I don't think i ask for a whole lot... I just want my Ticket....

*Side note* Yes i am aware that i have seen Say anything like a million times but evertime is better then the last...Sigh.....

Wheeler Video!!!

2010-10-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

So Flippin Cute!!!!

I shot this vid today and had to post it... Enjoy!

Wish upon a star but...Do you know what stars are?

2010-10-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm disgusted...

Today I had a wake up call and things are going to change

I can't go on like this.... I will not go on like this.

I'm am soo over it.

I need to make an exit strategy and bail.

I am wasting away in this and this is not how I planned to go down

But I have to do what is in my best interest because no one else is going to.

I am responsible for my own happiness and right now I don't think I'm happy...

I feel like the sand castle I built is finally crumbling and I need to get out before I get buried...

I realize most people have no Idea what I am talking about and that's ok.

What is important is that I am at a transitional stage of my life and what I do now will determine

the next few years of my life....I hope I make the right decisions

It's Pivotal....

Starbucks Fail....

2010-10-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from what I thought would be a enjoyable Starbucks visit...

I was wrong...

I walked into Starbucks all happy and ordered my usual Peppermint Hot Chocolate

So I move over to the pick up area...

as I did so I was listening (as I often do) to the conversation going on behind the counter

The cashier tells the Barista(who reminded me of Seth Rogen) my order and he replies

"Dude, I don't even know what the last people ordered"

So the Cashier repeats their order as well as mine.

He kinda looked at him with a "Your a waste of my time" look on his face.

So the Barista starts making drinks at a snails pace...

All the while he is chatting to the other people waiting to get their drinks.

so he makes them their drinks and the girl makes a face and he said

"I can see you not to thrilled about that drink, how about I make you something else"

(In my head i'm like i've been standing here 5 F***ing minutes how about you make my drink)

She was all like "Sure, do i pay extra?"

and then he said "No don't worry about it" (insert grin here)

So about 2 minutes later he says "Peppermint Mocha"

I look around like who else loves peppermint...

I look back at him and he's staring dead at me... So I say

"Is that mine?"

"Yeah"

"Oh, you mean Peppermint Hot Chocolate"

"No, Peppermint Mocha"

"I ordered a Peppermint Hot Chocolate"

He looks at the cashier, who at this point just looks at him in hopes that he will burst into flames.

He then said "She ordered a Peppermint Hot Chocolate"

At this point I just want to get the heck out of there, so I said.

"It's fine, I'll just take this"

The cashier (Who looked like he felt sorry for me) says "you know it has coffee in it?"

To which I reply "Yeah it's fine, don't worry about it, It's not that big of a deal"

(It was a big deal)

I didn't want that barista to make me anything else, most likely he would only mess it up and I was so over it... I just wanted to leave.

So I take my Peppermint Mocha which Sucked and

Walked back to my car with disappointment and defeat in my heart.

So Yeah that's my sad tale of woe.

If he had just made my drink right... It would have made my day better.

*Side note* My sewing machine has been in the shop and I miss it....

Can I get close to you...

2010-10-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have a new love in my life... and his name is Wheeler.

My new hamster!!

He is so flippin cute, i just love him....

also...

I have fallen in love with this song and i had to share...

So this has been a pretty uneventful post but I will take some pics of Wheeler soon.

so get Amped... Cause I am!!

*Side note* Wheeler is adorable!!!

Cool Coffee sleeve

2010-10-07T12:33:00.001-07:00

Today I made this awesome Reusable Coffee Sleeve!!!

This is the First project that I am trying with my new Sewing machine.

and I am so excited to try other projects!

Isn't it Cute! ^_^

Cityscape forever gray.... Stuck in time, stuck inside my mind...

2010-10-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight Glee comes on!!

Which fills me with Gleeeeeee!!

and after that... My new fave show!

Raising Hope

If you haven't seen it, you should watch the episodes you missed on Fox.com

just tune in tonight.

So I have to tell you a small and uneventful story that made my week.

(It takes very little to make me happy)

So like a month ago I was surfing the web and I came across a quilting blog.

http://www.delightfuldisarray.blogspot.com/

and there was a piece that I fell in love with

and in my head I'm all like yeah I want to do that!!

Let me see if I can include a pic:

So anyway the fabric she used was this carnival themed one and I wanted it.

(As you know I now have a sewing machine)

I scoured the Internet looking for it to no avail.

Saddened and dismayed I gave up.

So I was on the blog last night and looking in the sidebar

I found a link for a website called Fabricworm.com

I was cruising around checking out all the cool and funky fabric

Still thinking about that Carnival themed fabric... sad.

I kept looking at all the fabric and that's when a choir of angels

descended from heaven and began to sing.

There it was my dream fabric.

http://fabricworm.com/kolatrcocagr.html

So life complete

*Side note* I am in love with Katie Costello...I lesss then 3 her....

Whats up, Blog!

2010-10-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

So I feel like al ot of things have been going on but in reality I'm not so sure..
Well I was in my first craft show!!
I think it was a great experience all around
I really felt like I put myself out there more then I ever have before.
Here are some pic's:

My friend Nix went to England. T-T
My car got a new steering wheel column.
I saw American Idiot the Bway play (Loved it!!)
I remodeled my room with the help of my friend MarMar (A lot of help(Thanks!!!))
My hermit crab passed on...bye Opal
My little cousin Isabella started walking
I went to some Carnivals
My car got 4 new tires
I also discovered that my car needs 2 sway bar links and a new spring... Lovely.
Finally figured out how to start closing this blanket I've been working on for a year.
I went apple picking.
I got a new cell phone.
I finally bought a song shop song!
and the last thing I can think of is that I got a new sewing machine!!

So that's everything that's been going on,
I've been happy and content
but something is not right or maybe somethings missing...
I don't know what it is but at least now I feel like I'm finally moving in the right direction.
I am taking control of my life, i'm not going to let it lead me blind anymore.

On a lighter note, the weather is finally just the way I like it
Its time for coco and sweaters and hoodies!
I love it!
So my darlings I will leave you with the promise that I will be updating more frequently like I used to! Sorry!!

*Side note* I still want to learn french...

Don't you know i'm not your ghost anymore...

2010-09-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

Ok so I'm totally in love with this song...

BTW I'm sorry I have been totally neglecting my blogity blog. I am planning on sitting down tomorrow and writing a real post, I have some many things to update you on.

So my dears I apologize, and expect a big old fat update with pictures!!

Collect 365 Moments

2010-09-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

I want to talk for a minute about an photography project that I started a few days ago,
Basically I will be taking a photo of people that I do not know for 365 days.
I'm really excited about this because It forces me to go out every day and take a picture.
It's easy and hard at the same time
because I get so many good shots
I can't decide which ones to pick for the picture of the day.
So If you have a chance please check out my project at

www.Collect365.blogspot.com

and here are some shots that didn't make it as picture of the day today!

Boy Meets Bookshelf

Accident waiting to happen

Silent reading moment

What has this world come to....

2010-08-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today I found out some really heart breaking news...

The Associated Press Friday, August 27, 2010; 8:58 PM

"LIMA, Peru -- Police in Peru say two Roman Catholic priests have been stabbed to death inside a historic monastery two blocks from the capital's main square.
The victims are identified as Ananias Aguila of Peru and Linan Ruiz of Puerto Rico.
Homicide department chief Miguel Canlla says they were slain before dawn Friday. Police suspect a robbery, but Canlla did not say whether objects of value were missing.
The two clerics ran a soup kitchen for the poor, and Ruiz directed religious youth groups.
They were slain at the San Francisco monastery. It is a popular tourist stop with religious paintings, sculptures and ornamentation dating to the 16th century."

One of these amazing human beings was my great uncle, Linan Ruiz.

He was a good man and although I only met him a few times in my life,

I have very fond memories of him.

He devoted his life to helping people and I have so much respect for that.

He never thought of himself and was willing to go without in order for someone to have something that they need.

This is a tragedy, and I think what bothers me most is the way the news is so cold about it.

He was not just a priest, He was a man of god, he fought for what he believed in, and he had a family that loved him dearly. He will be greatly missed by every member of my family and I'm sure by everyone he has ever helped.

I don't understand why this had to happen to him, I have so many unanswered questions.

Where were the guards that were supposed to be guard the monastery?

What kind person would steal from people who did so much for the community?

My mother told me that they were across from the police department, where were they?

This could have been avoided and it makes me question things like humanity, goodwill and why things like this happen to good people.

Looking to my future.....

2010-08-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

So tonight I went to a Psychic to get my palm read.
She started by tell me about my character she said
" You are a genuine and generous and you are very self less person and I see you in a career taking car of people."

Pretty good so far, right.
she continued
" I see that you are going to live a long life, your parents have very high expectations of you"

God does she live in my house!

"You are not a materialistic person and you will be content with a job that allows you to live comfortably."

Sounds about right

she then asked me to make a wish
and I did! (but I won't tell you ^_~)

" I see you thinking about 2 guys lately" I told her one of them
" one of the guys name starts with an A"
(I don't know who that is)
"I see a lot of guys looking at you (one works with cars) but you are guarded, you need to let your guard down."

she then said that she saw me taking classes soon

(I have been planning on going back to school, soon)

"I like the group of friends that you are keeping, they are honest and genuine people"
"This year you are going to figure out the direction that you are meant to go in, no more question marks"
" I see you getting married at 28 and no divorce or separation"

she ended it with

" I see you living a long and happy life"

Kinda Crazy... I think I will go back in a few months and get my tarot cards read ^_^

I guess he's an Xbox, and I'm more like Atari....

2010-08-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

Just finished hearing this song and I think it is soo funny!

Instant Love!!

My Latest Work

2010-08-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

Let me know what you guys think, I have better pictures on my flick, the link is in the side bar.

Critique's welcome!!

Thought I was lost but I was stranded...

2010-08-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes at night when everyone is asleep but me,

I feel the need to bake something

The whole process is very soothing to me.

Gathering all the ingredients and then mixing it all in a bowl,

it's probably the only time my mind settles down,

I feel like I can breathe normally when I bake or cook.

I was thinking about people, I believe that people are generally good.

That the things and people that they encounter is what shapes them, and how they learn to handle pain and their life is what sets them apart.

Think about it a "Bad Child" is usually a child that is acting out.

They want attention and they will do any means to get it no matter how they hurt themselves or others. They are literally starving attention not unlike a dry sponge.

So why do we think in terms of Good people and bad people?

I mean If someone had just taken that "Bad Child" aside and gave him just a smidgen of attention. Who knows what kind of change that would have made in his life.

Hitler was a artist, he applied 7 times to art school and he got denied every time.

Hitler became...well, Hitler.

What if he would have gotten into art school?

We will never know but there will always be a "What if" factor.

I believe in humanity. I believe in kindness.

but I'm not naive.

I realize that not everyone can be trusted.

and that I think is a shame.

*Side note* Just saw "Eat, Pray, Love. and it was a great movie.

And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears

2010-08-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

Time, such a little word but it is also big.

We are all bound by it and I don't think a single person can say different.

(unless your a Vampire)

It's amazing how we all feel like time passes so quickly and at moments not at all.

For me right now, it feels like I'm floating in Jello. ^_^

but for someone else it feels like they have been put in the VCR to fast forward

There are even people that want to be re winded.

Me personally I just want to look back on my life and see if I was happy.

If I was then I did something right.

and I realize that you can't be happy all the time.

My mom thinks I'm sitting in a daze with dreams that are ridiculous, and to a point she's right.

But I am all too aware of the fact that

I have started to grow roots in the spot that I am standing in.

lol if I raise my arms I resemble a tree.

People tend to put such a emphasis's on time when they should really be putting emphasis's on Their quality of life, healthy relationships with the people in their life,

living life to the fullest and making sure they squeeze every drop of Fun/Sadness/Excitement/Sorrow/Happiness out of it.

Yeah I know you're thinking "how did Sorrow and Sadness sneak in there?"

It's important to feel those to,

I don't cry a whole lot, but when I do I cry as if I have have to get every drop of water out of me. lol.

So right now I am enjoying my Jello-y prison and I know that if a few weeks time I'm going to have to grab an spoon and dig myself out. ^_^

So What it all boils down to STOP!! worrying about the Future and more about the Now.

No one can tell you whats going to happen in the future and life likes to throw you curve balls.

So enjoy the present.

What's that saying.... The past is history, the future's mystery, the present is a gift....

So go ahead and unwrap it already!!

*Side note* Yes, I wrote this for you. ^_~

Life should be that simple...I wish it were just so simple

2010-07-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

At a Flea market in Tarrytown NY, I found a old Polaroid Colorack Camera..
that looks alot like the one below.

So I took it for a spin last week while I was in Cape May, NJ, Vacaing with Fam. After some research I found the film for it and I was ready. I really didn't know what to expect at first because I had never used a camera like this.

At first pack of film (which is 10 exp, like most Polaroid film) Well.. it reeally didn't turn out so well... they were out of focus and i didn't hold the shutter down long enough... So yeah. by the Second roll I had gotten the hang of it and I wanted to share some of the pic's I took with it.
So here we go:

Aren't the cool!! Needless to say..... but going to be said anyway... I love this Camera!!!!

I can't wait to get more film so I can take more pic's!!

You can judge all the world on the sparkle that you think it lacks

2010-07-14T21:56:00.001-07:00

Ok so I lost my head for a while but I am totally cool.

My knee is like 10x better!

Yay for healing!

So I am watching this crazy show on Animal Planet called Monster inside of me.

What genius decided to create this show, it's all about parasites that people have contracted.

It skeeves me out and give me the Hebe jibes

(Did I spell that right, maybe someone from the 1950's can tell me!)

So yeah I have been working on a lot of paintings (pic's to come soon)

This is really just a quick update on what has been going on, and it seems that I haven't really said much of anything.

Oh I will be going away this weekend I am heading out to Cape May, New Jersey.

Ewww...Jersey.... Lol

^_^

Ok Bye...

*Side note* I need more bottle caps....

We are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls...

2010-07-07T20:19:00.001-07:00

I'm really upset right now, I'm just thinking about my knee and googling everything I can possibly find on ACL injury's. I know I am being obsessive, but I just want to get better.

I'm worried that my knee will never be the same.

All the things I read online are putting into my head that my ACL is torn and If its torn bad enough I could need surgery. I am so over this shit.

I don't want to have surgery nor can I afford it. I am in this horrible place mentally. All I do is think about my knee.

I went to the emergency room in South Dakota, and this is probably the New Yorker in me, but I feel like the doctor kind of dismissed me to quickly.

So I feel like he didn't carefully look over the xrays.

He said it was just a bad sprain.

He wanted me to walk on it right away and I was in such pain that I really wasn't capable.

He gave me a ace bandage and a boot out of the hospital.

Granted my knee does feel a lot better then when I was in SD,

but what if it's healing wrong or It really is torn.

I still can't fully extend my leg and that worries the shit out of me.

But I have no Insurance , so how am I supposed to know how it's progressing.

If you know me then you know my mind runs a thousand miles a minute.

So imagine how I'm feeling right now..

So I am in Crazy lady panic mode... but you wouldn't know it by looking at me.

*Side note* What if I never walk normally again.....

The people in my life have to keep me grounded...

2010-07-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

Or else I would float away....
It's true...

I can be so ridiculous sometimes...
and I'm starting to realize that and that scares me...

I have been away for the past few weeks and just a few days into my trip,
I fell and sprained my knee very badly.
It was a total bummer and it made my trip kinda suck a little bit.
I'm still not fully recovered..
and I have just learned that I incapable of sitting still...
It's a problem when I'm trying to heal...
it's taking sooo long...
at this point I'm trying to heal my self using sheer willpower...It's not working....

So yeah... thats whats really been going on.

so heres a list of things I wish I could do right this moment...
1. Swim
2. Jump on a trampoline
3. Run
4. Go to the city
5. Hang out in Brooklyn w/ my Great Grandma

Here's a list of things I have to do
1. Clean my room
2. Find a job
3. Make word bubble chalk boards
4. Get my oil changed
5. Color my hair back to normal

*Side Note* I love Painting my Nails!!

I'm in love and given away....

2010-06-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Right now I am away from home and I have been for a few days.
I am currently in South Dakota and on my way to Custer state park.
So far the trip has been amazing!
We started in Deadwood and we took a road trip to Devils tower, where close encounters of the third kind was filmed, and we did a mile hike around the whole tower.
We also went into an old gold mine.
It was a fantastic experience!
I am kinda shocked that I am having such a good time.
To be honest I thought it would be kind of boring, but happily I have been proved wrong!
The first day I was a bit nausaus, because we are so high up compared to NY.
I was told this is becasue I was am to being at sea level.
I am going to be traveling for another week or so,
and I have a ton more places that I am going to be visiting.
Check my Flickr for picture updates!
www. Flickr.com/Fairyflames4
I have already posted some pics of my trip thus far!
Well I will talk to you guys soon!
*Side note* I miss NY a little...

She can still here that Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983.

2010-06-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

Been Really busy Creating things for the craft show on City Island. I am really excited, but the adverse effect of that is that I have been neglecting my blog and I feel bad about that, so here is a real life story...

So I was at the gas station the other morning,

I was busy pumping my gas when I looked up and noticed this guy staring at me, I quickly looked away and finished pumping my gas.

I walked to the drivers side of the car and I hear someone shout "Hey" behind me.

I ignore it and hear it again.

I looked and it was that same guy that was staring at me, and he says

"It's been a long time, how are you?"

"Umm.. I don't know you"

" yeah, your Lisa, right"

"Umm, no"

" oh sorry"

"It's cool, Bye"

It had to be on of the most bizarre verbal exchanges I have ever had with another human being

that's not to say I have had many exchanges with non human beings...or have I....

so yeah that's my story... ttyl

*Side note* I am going to be going away, so you might not hear from me for a while but I promise to be more vigilant.

Somethings missing in me, I felt it deep within me as lovers left me to bleed...alone....

2010-05-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is from my most recent fave song,

the song is called "Missing" by Flyleaf.

The song is AmAzing!

I found this on Flyleaf's page, this is what they had to say about this song:

"Missing" is another song that shows how important love and life are. The hook is massive, but there's more to it. Lacey continues, "The bridge says "Down here love wasn't meant to be for me, all is vanity underneath the sun." The phrase makes you ask 'What would the world be like if we took love out of it?' Love is painful. It requires work. It's selfless. Even though it's difficult, if you take that out of the earth you're going to end up with nothing. C.S. Lewis said, 'The only place in all of the world where you can escape the dangers of love is hell.'"

So inspiring, they are actually a Christian rock band and a lot of their songs are about God.

People that know me know that I am not a very religious person, that's not to say I don't have my beliefs, but for some reason Flyleaf's music just speaks to me, even the religious ones.

"All around me" was one of my fave songs for a while, every time I listened to it something felt like it was knocking down walls inside of me trying to get out,

I feel happy and jovial after I hear it. I know it sounds weird but whatever.

I can go on and on about them, but you should really check them out for yourself.

*Side Note* I seemed to have forgotten that there is such a thing called Youtube, so here is the Video for Missing

The Worst day of my life.... thus far...

2010-05-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

The worst day...

I was around 14 years old, I lived in westchester and went to High School in Manhattan, so every morning I would get up @ 6am and grab the Bus to 23rd Street. The ride was about an hour long so normally I would go to sleep while on the bus.

So one night on my way home I fell asleep, When I woke up I realized I had missed my bus stop and was way far from my house. I remember it was raining that night, and I was still new to westchester.

I got off at the next stop and called my house to try and get someone to pick me up

No one answered, I called my parents cell phone's and no answer. Being a lowly H.S student I had like no money on me to even take a bus.

I threw my hood over my head and with my shoulder slouched I started to walk toward the direction that my house was in. After a while of walking, I was soaked, my shoes were squeaking and my clothes were heavier, I tried calling home again, to no avail.

I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

So in the dark, while it rained, I kept walking and then I started to cry.

My sadness turned anger, my tears that came from feeling alone and deserted like no one cared became these angry tears.

I was mad at myself for crying, I was mad at my parents who didn't seem to notice that their child was mising. I was mad at how cliche it was to be crying in the rain at night.

I was angry at the universe.

Eventually my phone died, after about 2 hours of walking I got home. I walked into my house dripping, and there was my mom, so casual saying hello to me.

As if it was normal for me to walk in the house at 8pm, when I got out of school at 2:30 and usually got home by 4pm. I was Furious, I yelled for about 20 mins on how I had to walk all the way home in the rain.

All my mother had to tell me "who told you to fall asleep on the bus"

I stormed off to my room, My mother eventually said sorry and I got over it after a few days.

What I did learn was that the only one who's gonna be there for me is me.

If I had something to say to I'd whisper it softly..

2010-05-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

10 Fave movies (at the Moment)

Random order

love +Hate
Penelope
Stardust
Kick Ass
I Love you, Man
Ameile
Shoot em up
Mirrormask
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Mallrats

I was thinking about this in the car today and I thought I would share. So to make my life just that much more interesting I think I'm going to take Archery lessons, I found this place in Queens that teaches it and a bonus is that after the lesson I can head to Brooklyn to see my Great grandmother. She's so Great!

So yeah, I know what you might be thinking

"Really Delilah, Another hobby! This is getting ridiculous, how many more things are you going to take up!"

But I say to you this "Talk to the hand" & "I jus like being all diversified n shit."

Just kidding, but if that's how you see it, whatev's I enjoy a wide array of things to do, that way I always have something to practice, also you never know when your going to need it.

So as you may or may not know the Ice skating season is pretty much over, but Roller skating season is on! Lol skating officially starts June 4Th at EJ Murry rink in Yonkers, that's is where I will be on June 4Th. Can't Wait!

I'm going to be painting my Skates this week I haven't decided what yet but when I finish I will post a pic. ^_^ Later

*Side Note* I HATE the new NY Licence plates.

My hands are only extensions

2010-05-08T10:28:00.000-07:00

Having some Rainy day/Rainbow fun today,

didn't this shot come out so cool!

So Bamboozle was Great and I totally got burnt, but it was so worth it.

Say Anything was FanFreakingTastic!

I love them so much.. sigh...

I wan to see then again and again. It's ridiculous.

Ok so on some Crafty like news,

I am planing on entering a craft fair on City Island more to come about that soon I'm working toward that right now.

I have to admit I am kind nervous about that, I know I have said this before so to quote myself "It's like slapping your heart down on a table and saying do your worst".

It's just plain scary...

Well thats all thats been going on right now.

Lates everyone!

you think I'm made of stone, I'm chiseled out of brick. I'm a vase that shatters, Holding such beautiful things.

2010-04-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

Right now I am looking for Crochet for charity organization's in new york so that maybe I can give back by crocheting toys or hats for children.

I made this little cutie the other day, I have just named it Ruth. Isn't she cute!

I want to light up someones day, with something special just for them. I guess part of it is kind of selfish of me, because I enjoy making other people happy, but that's not wrong is it...?

I went the Envy on the Coast show Saturday, it was amazing! I have a new favorite song by them called "Made of Stone" that is where the title of this post comes from.

They are just so amazing live! I also fell in love with a new band that opened up for Envy called Twin Atlantic, and they are going to be at Bamboozle, so YAY!

Not much has been going on, basically I'm just enjoying the calmness of it all and getting my act together and all.

*Side note* The lyrics from "made of stone" just encapsulates the way I feel... I believe in this.

You won't take away my pride... No, not this time

2010-04-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

Art is something that is constantly changing, and vastly different from person to person.
For the past two years, I have found that my work has morphed and changed into something that I truly love.
I have created these stick figure people that make me so happy whenever I create a new one, not unlike children.

They have become so much a part of me, it amazes me how much they mean to me.

My life like most seems to always be in a state of transition, and I love that, but from these transitions come a change in my Art. Sometimes the change is small and barely noticed and other times it's huge and so out of the realm of what I would draw regularly.
That's what I adore about my work, It's a timeline for things that I have experienced and ways that I have felt. I can look at one of my pieces and revisit the place I was in my head.
I guess that is what I want to convey to you today. I want you to go the the same place I was when I was creating, feel what I felt & Think like I thought. Is that realistic? Maybe not but it's what I want.

I am grown up at 23, will someone tell me what it takes to be happy

2010-04-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

This will be a post of statements:

I'm just so stressed out lately

Fed up with a lot of things

I want to find a place to call home

My life is at a stand still

I went to the Juggle This fest on sat, it was Fun.

I can't wait for Bamboozle right now it's like a beacon of light in my life.

Why can't life be like in the movies

I don't feel happy

I feel twisted & conflicted inside

I feel alone

What a depressing post

Maybe I should go see a movie

should I even post this

What would make me happy now

right this very instant

sleep?

music?

reading?

making new friends?

It's so hard to make new friends sometimes

sometimes they turn out to be mean people

that you didn't want as ur friend to begin with

~Sigh~

Today is my one day off and not a single second has be spent on me..

How do u know if ur being used?

Why do some of the people in my life want to change me.

I like me the way I am

I can feel it in my bones.

2010-04-07T18:28:00.001-07:00

Rock the Vespa,
originally uploaded by jonathan ponce.

So last Saturday I went to Brooklyn to finally get my hair cut, visit my Great Grandmother and do some random wandering.
So on my way to get my hair cut I was passing a driving school
When I noticed a man teaching a girl to ride a scooter, at that point I did a 180 turn and went inside to get more details.
So jump forward to today, I am pleased to say that I am now the very proud owner of a Motorcycle learners permit, which I need to take Vespa lessons and to get my Vespa!
I totally feel like I am just that much closer and it was so easy.
Why can't everything be this easy?
But today I realized that if you want something you have to go grab it!

I cant wait to ride a Vespa!!

*Side note* I want to go to the city this week.....

Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train...

2010-03-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

Is life easier then I'm making it seem...

The last few days my head has been in a cloud.

I feel like I'm struggling for air.. and I can't figure out why.

I would hate to think I am living a meaningless life, but isn't the goal of life to be happy...

The problem is my head is living beyond my means, I want to do everything, is that even possible, when I look back on my life I want to think "Wow that was a great ride"

at this point in my life I don't think that will happen for me. Maybe it's too late or who knows maybe it isn't..

Ugh am I making any sense whatsoever... I'm so stuck in my brain.

I can feel it in my bones that there's something more to my life,

I just have to figure out what...

Anyway..

Let me give u a super mini life update:

Music i'm listening to: Metric (Great band)

Fave food at the moment: Indian

Something I'm neglecting: Photography

Movies I've been watching like an addict: District B-13 1 & 2

Crafty thing: Crocheting a small rug.

Craving: Brownies

Wearing: Alot of black (as per usual)

Website Obsession: Twitter

Frustration: My Car, which better not have anything wrong with it.

Missing: Emma Rose

Worrying: About the my direction of my life.

What I Wants: 1960's movie called "My Six Love's" starring Debbie Reynolds

Ok I think that's it for now, Talk to y'all later!

*Side note* Still haven't gotten my hair cut..

Love is our resistance...

2010-03-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

Thinking about something my mother told me the other night...

but first a little bit of back story..

I have a very hard time sleeping at night,

which leads me to wander around the house at 2, 3 or even perhaps 4am..

I don't know why but this is how it is.

Usually I just occupy this time by reading, watching movies, listening to music, drawing or even the random painting. So I wander around the house.

As you know I was away for the last 2 weeks.

Now I would like to think that I still live at home because I can not afford to move out, but in reality I stay because I know how much my parents depend on me.

I guess it's just one of those things... anyway back to the beginning..

So I had just gotten back from N.C. I was doing my normal wandering thing and I guess my mother had gotten used to the house being quiet at night

(Don't get me wrong its not like I walking down the halls banging pots and pans when every ones asleep its more like you hear me walking around and moving things.)

So I woke her up and she said "Delilah" to which I replied "Yeah"

"Oh, it's you, I'm not used to hearing someone moving around at night."

"Sorry"

"It's ok, I missed it" after she said that she laughed and went back to sleep.

It was nice to know that I was missed,

that something so insignificant as my walking around the house.

It just made me think of my mother and my relationship,

It took a long time for her to accept me the way I am.

Now I doubt she would even blink an eye if I walked into the living room covered in glitter and feathers.

She would probably ask the regrettable question " What are you doing?"

So yeah that little thing got me thinking... about this lady..