25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the whole world's MADE UP OF this brotherhood of man
FOR whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take A deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
What's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...
Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...
And I try, oh my God, do I try
I try all the time in this institution
And I pray, oh my God, do I pray
I pray every single day FOR A REVOLUTION!
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
WHAT'S GOIN' ON!!
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on
Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up...
25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Change came in disguise of revelation...
This time of year is always hard one for me, I am turning 25 in a few days.
I would have thought that I would have accomplished something substantial by now but when I look back I see a river of half finished endeavors.
That makes me sad.
I think for a long time I have been holding myself back and I'm not quite sure from what..
Am I scared of success? Fearful of happiness?
Too content with haunting the shadows of my own life?
Its hard to come out of the shadows when they have been a part of you for so long, for me they have become a second skin.
I'm sure that I have let people that dance in the light push me in the shadows.
I let them make me feel like less to the point where I walked into the darkness without a fight.
I don't like the attention, the light gives to much away, cracks can be seen in the facade.
The shadow is much kinder.
I was watching one of my favorite old movies the other day and a line that stuck with me was "Life is a Banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death"
The man who wrote the book in which the movie was based off of,
lived the later part of his life as a butler for a wealthy family until his death.
He didn't need to work, he was wealthy in his own right.
I thought about this for a while...
We all have goals and plans that we set for ourselves to achieve the lives we dream of
but despite goals we need purpose,
without purpose you will never be satisfied even if you reach and accomplish your goals.
I would have thought that I would have accomplished something substantial by now but when I look back I see a river of half finished endeavors.
That makes me sad.
I think for a long time I have been holding myself back and I'm not quite sure from what..
Am I scared of success? Fearful of happiness?
Too content with haunting the shadows of my own life?
Its hard to come out of the shadows when they have been a part of you for so long, for me they have become a second skin.
I'm sure that I have let people that dance in the light push me in the shadows.
I let them make me feel like less to the point where I walked into the darkness without a fight.
I don't like the attention, the light gives to much away, cracks can be seen in the facade.
The shadow is much kinder.
I was watching one of my favorite old movies the other day and a line that stuck with me was "Life is a Banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death"
The man who wrote the book in which the movie was based off of,
lived the later part of his life as a butler for a wealthy family until his death.
He didn't need to work, he was wealthy in his own right.
I thought about this for a while...
We all have goals and plans that we set for ourselves to achieve the lives we dream of
but despite goals we need purpose,
without purpose you will never be satisfied even if you reach and accomplish your goals.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
collapse right on the back of tumbling waves...
I feel like I have cotton in my head instead of a brain.
I am aware that I tend to over think things but lately I feel like I am just completely thick. I am struggling to come to terms with my life and decide which way I want to turn.
I hate the way I've let someone get under my skin and open up parts of myself that I had kept closed in order to keep myself safe.
I am walking in a emotional hallway made of broken glass one wrong turn and its over for me. I have been here before and just managed to make it out.
It took me 3 years to fully recover from my previous injuries,
Do I really want to open myself up to get hurt again?
I scared it might already be too late.
I've been having really vivid dreams lately...
I have been want to write them down before I forget them.
Dream 1
I am in a boarding school, my mother works as a teacher there.
I am heading to one of my classes and I meet a brother and sister.
We become friends and we discover that we are heading to the same class so we decide that we will walk together. so were walking, and I usually took the long way to the class but they said they knew a shortcut and it cost a dollar.
We took the shortcut and it took us to an elevator, we got in and the doors began to close
a hand stopped the door from closing and it opened again revealing 3 people two guys and a girl.
They piled into the elevator and my new friends said it was too crowded and exited the elevator leaving me and the 3 people.
One of the guys caught my attention and I kept peeking up to look at him only to find him looking back at me. The doors closed and the elevator began to move, I couldn't tell in which direction.
The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened to a beach. I looked out the doors and said "Shit" as I dropped my things and ran down the beach shedding shoes and socks as I went.
A yacht was on fire and sinking in the ocean, when I looked back the 3 people were doing the same rushing to help the people on the sinking ship. I jumped in and started dragging people to shore and then I looked on the boat and there was Paris Hilton. I swam out again to rescue her and dragged her to shore. I collapsed on the beach my chest heaving and I looked at the guy again and he was all wet and breathing the same way, watching me.
Dream 2
I was a mermaid...
I was swimming in the ocean free and carelessly, I swam to a cove where other mermaids were hanging out, I sat on a rock that was just barely covered with water and watched the other mermaid and mermen chat and swim as I flicked my tail back and forth.
Out of the ocean a merman that I knew swam up to me and reached his hand out to me.
It was an invitation.
I grasped his hand and he pulled me into a hug.
Still in the hug we dove underwater and he swam taking me with him, he held onto me tight and I felt like I was safe and home.
Is it weird that my dreams lately are having a running ocean theme? Last night I had another dream but I don't remember it as well, but I do know that I was on a pirate ship in the ocean and there was a Chinese man on the boat with me...
That's all I remember...
I know random...
*Side note* I really hope that I can make it out of the glass hallway unscathed...
I am aware that I tend to over think things but lately I feel like I am just completely thick. I am struggling to come to terms with my life and decide which way I want to turn.
I hate the way I've let someone get under my skin and open up parts of myself that I had kept closed in order to keep myself safe.
I am walking in a emotional hallway made of broken glass one wrong turn and its over for me. I have been here before and just managed to make it out.
It took me 3 years to fully recover from my previous injuries,
Do I really want to open myself up to get hurt again?
I scared it might already be too late.
I've been having really vivid dreams lately...
I have been want to write them down before I forget them.
Dream 1
I am in a boarding school, my mother works as a teacher there.
I am heading to one of my classes and I meet a brother and sister.
We become friends and we discover that we are heading to the same class so we decide that we will walk together. so were walking, and I usually took the long way to the class but they said they knew a shortcut and it cost a dollar.
We took the shortcut and it took us to an elevator, we got in and the doors began to close
a hand stopped the door from closing and it opened again revealing 3 people two guys and a girl.
They piled into the elevator and my new friends said it was too crowded and exited the elevator leaving me and the 3 people.
One of the guys caught my attention and I kept peeking up to look at him only to find him looking back at me. The doors closed and the elevator began to move, I couldn't tell in which direction.
The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened to a beach. I looked out the doors and said "Shit" as I dropped my things and ran down the beach shedding shoes and socks as I went.
A yacht was on fire and sinking in the ocean, when I looked back the 3 people were doing the same rushing to help the people on the sinking ship. I jumped in and started dragging people to shore and then I looked on the boat and there was Paris Hilton. I swam out again to rescue her and dragged her to shore. I collapsed on the beach my chest heaving and I looked at the guy again and he was all wet and breathing the same way, watching me.
Dream 2
I was a mermaid...
I was swimming in the ocean free and carelessly, I swam to a cove where other mermaids were hanging out, I sat on a rock that was just barely covered with water and watched the other mermaid and mermen chat and swim as I flicked my tail back and forth.
Out of the ocean a merman that I knew swam up to me and reached his hand out to me.
It was an invitation.
I grasped his hand and he pulled me into a hug.
Still in the hug we dove underwater and he swam taking me with him, he held onto me tight and I felt like I was safe and home.
Is it weird that my dreams lately are having a running ocean theme? Last night I had another dream but I don't remember it as well, but I do know that I was on a pirate ship in the ocean and there was a Chinese man on the boat with me...
That's all I remember...
I know random...
*Side note* I really hope that I can make it out of the glass hallway unscathed...
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