Just one more birthday....

Let me guide you through the story of a boy and his curse

Tiny diamond in his stroller with his first step chasing the hearse

Sippin' at a cup that's half way filled

But looking forward to the day he pays that drinking bill

There's no peace, there's no quiet on this earth

He confided, nestled tightly in that womb beneath the dirt

Hurt no more and when he turned 24

He wrote a note to nail to God's front door that said

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

From the high paying job and the love of his life

He rode a roller coaster ride of lust on their wedding night

They made a baby in unmentionable ways

He was ungrateful as a man could be on that blessed day

And underneath he thought this is all a phase

Just a blip in the existence of a structure vast and great

Pray each night to his cross of a charm

For the one thing he couldn't afford just to buy the farm

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

I'll never lose another friend again

Or watch them start a war that's fought for ideals that are dead

I'll never have an argument again

Because my dust

will be your salt

My blood will hydrate you off

My heart will be your meal

And I won't ride the cycle of the way it kills to think and feel

No more, no

I want death

Death for my birthday

I want death

Death in the worst way

I want death

Death for my birthday

Don't get me wrong cause..

I love life

But life has a boyfriend

Bless my soul

I'm out to destroy them

I want death

Death for my birthday

For my birthday

One sweet day his heart ceased to beat

He fell so fast beneath all our feet

Through bugs and snakes

Last words he had to say were

Help me claw my way to the surface

Oh sweet lord you know I deserve this

Just one more, just one more birthday

Shake it up...

I am sooo lucky.

This holiday season I have felt incredibly Lucky.

Lucky:

to have my family.

to have Amazing friends that are more like family to me.

to be alive.

to have people in my life that care about me.

I just want to say Thank You to all of you!

Banana

Nix

Marmar

Vic

Jesse

Lea

My family.

Everyone who enriches my life purely by being in it.

Thank You.

I am surrounded by warmth and love.

I am sooo grateful and humbled.

This year has been a very conflicting year for me.

I have had my ups and downs but the important things remain constant.

This has past Christmas been the most magical for me.

It remind me of when a feeling I would get as a kid.

I would preform in talent shows and on those nights, I would sing or dance.

At the end of my performance, a member of my family would come up to the stage bringing with them a bouquet of flowers for me.

I would go to sleep those nights with such a high.

I would wake up the next morning and feel like it was all a beautiful dream,

and then I would see the flowers.

Here is a music video/commercial I fell in love with that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

As the new year approaches

I am faced with things I would like to sweep under the rug and forget about.

Friday I'm turning 24 years old, It's really weird to think that I will be 24.

It's sounds so grown up.

My birthday is generally kind of depressing for me.

I don't know why that is, but it's always been that way.

I don't really do a whole lot on my birthday even though it is a holiday.

I usually have dinner with my fam and then hang out around the house.

Hahaha, I sound so lame.

but really, I enjoy hanging out with my family.

Although this year it's going to be slightly different because I am going to dinner with the family on Saturday instead of Friday so I have no plans on my birthday...

which kinda sucks..

but I'll make the best of it.

Maybe I'll gather some friends and drag them out to the bar.

^_^

We shall see.

Total eclipse of the... Moon....

I'm currently watching Donnie Darko....

I forgot what a great movie this is, some of these actors are now well known actor's.
Seth Rogan, Ashley Tisdale, Jake Gyllenhaal, Patrick Shwayze, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jerry Trainor of Icarly, Drew Barrymore, Jena Malone It's kinda crazy.
But anyway... I wanted to talk about the Luna eclipse we had the other day...
It was so magical!!! I got some amazing shots with my canon!
Here they are!

Isn't that Amazing...
It makes me love the randomness that is out universe just that much more.

You are the Ornament to my Christmas tree....

So a few months ago
I signed up for a Ornament swap
through a blog called Freshlyblended
In the swap you have to design a handmade ornament
that you can make multiples of
and send them to the people in your assigned group.
I thought this was soooo Awesome.

I wanted my ornament to be something that you wouldn't normally see in the store.
So I made my ornaments and Today I finally sent them out.
I'm not going to post any pictures of the Ornaments quite yet,
I dont want to ruin it for my other group members.
^_^
I have to admit I am kind of proud of them.
Eeep.
I love getting the package in the mail and opening it only to discover a new Ornament.
When I get all of them I will do a post about them!
So Excited!

Here are what the packages look like:

(Aren't they cute!)

At the post office heading to their new homes... *Sniff*

*Side note* I want to package everything like this now...

A stabbing pain that says I lack

I don't usually talk about my relationships (Past or Present) on my blog

but it's something I have been thinking about a lot lately

So to put my mind at ease here I go.

I was recently dating someone.

This is the first real dating I had done since my last relationship.

I thought the dates went well but I guess I was mistaken.

(I really liked him)

It just got me thinking...

and thinking for me is very bad...

I tend to dwell on things to the point where I over analyze...

but anyway the conclusion I have come to is...

I am unlucky in love.

At this point I feel like there has to be something wrong with me...

I am aware that I'm not perfect

I am stubborn, slightly pessimistic and can be moody

But I am also a good person.

I am easy going, fairly smart, creative, funny, honest and generous.

So I don't quite understand why I'm single.

Maybe I don't put myself out there enough or maybe It's just not in the cards for me.

I started looking back at past relationships to see what went wrong.

and here are reasons some of the relationships didn't work

1. I was trying to be something that I wasn't.

2. He couldn't accept me the way I was.

3. I wasn't ready for a relationship and I regret that.

(The only guy who ever treated me right)

4. He was to attached to me and that scared me

5. He used me and I let him.

6. They led me on

Most of my relationships ended badly and we couldn't remain friends,

I found that some of them resented me after the relationship.

I would even go as far as to say they hate me.

I could never really understand why,

I mean If I broke up with them I was just be honest with myself and the way I felt.

Whats the point of leading them on.

It would only hurt them and me more later.

It's just really disappointing, I always end up getting hurt.

Right when I start to let a guy past my defences, they just let me down.

It never fails, and now I expect it.

I don't want to be the girl that has been burned so many times, she cant let anyone in.

I fear that I am becoming just that.

I am very independent and I have a hard time asking for help.

I do not need a man

but it would be nice to have someone to share those little moments in life with.

Guys say they want the nice girl but I'm learning different.

*Side note* If you don't like me just tell me, I won't be upset, I promise.

Just don't have me believing that you do.

Not to mention its a waste of my time.

Why me....

Defeat is written on her face as she looks at the computer screen...

Her eye's become glossy and tears well up on the bottom lashes.

She turns her face upward and let's out a sigh of anguish.

She pushes the laptop off of her in disgust and gets out of the bed.

She stands for a moment swaying on her feet.

As if an imaginary sting has been cut she falls to the floor as her body goes limp.

That's where her parents found her two hours later.

Her face pressed into the hardwood floor as she sobs silently.

A few hours later...

The men picked her up and placed her on a gurney.

They rolled her out of the room, her mother and father stood by helplessly

watching their eldest daughter wrapped in a crisp white straight jacket.

Her face was pale and her eyes were wide and red.

She was speaking in a hurried whispers as she passed them.

She whispered "I missed it, I missed it, how could I miss it."

Her words began to blur into each other as if she was speaking another language.

The above story (that I just wrote) is how I feel on the inside....

The reason you ask...

So Max Bemis is doing solo shows in Feb...

They went on sale today at 1pm....

I forgot...

So now... *Sob* I can't go.....

I can't believe I forgot!!!!

I am super mad at myself....

Sooo bummed...

I missed it....

*Side note* I dyed the back of my hair blue, I was really happy about that until this happened... life sucks right now....

You wanted arts and crafts, How's this for arts and crafts?

So it's been a kinda crazy week for me.

I have been running around trying to get things ready for the craft show

this Sat. December 11th at White Plains High School.

I am really excited!

Ok so that aside I also have to get my Xmas stuff ready!

I feel like I have barely had anytime for myself.

There are so many things I have to still do for the show for Sat. and it feels like I'll never finish.

Also

Last friday I went to see My Chemical Romance for the first time in a few years

and they were AmAzing!! I love them sooo much!

I took soo many pictures! but I kinda dont know exactly where my camera is at this moment

but when I find it I will edit the post and include some photo's.

^_^

So I've gotta jet. Lots of this to do today and there are not enough hours in a day.

^_~

Talk to all of you soon!

Xoxoxo

*Side note* Changing things up a little. Talk to ya about it soon!

I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place

So I have been posting a lot of vids lately...
and now I'm going to add 2 more. ^_^
These 2 vids are ones that I am currently obsessed with.
The first is by Middle Class Rut "New low"



and the second is by The Parlotones "Push me to the floor". Enjoy!



*Side note* My Chemical Romance Tonight!!