Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train...

Is life easier then I'm making it seem...
The last few days my head has been in a cloud.
I feel like I'm struggling for air.. and I can't figure out why.
I would hate to think I am living a meaningless life, but isn't the goal of life to be happy...
The problem is my head is living beyond my means, I want to do everything, is that even possible, when I look back on my life I want to think "Wow that was a great ride"
at this point in my life I don't think that will happen for me. Maybe it's too late or who knows maybe it isn't..
Ugh am I making any sense whatsoever... I'm so stuck in my brain.
I can feel it in my bones that there's something more to my life,
I just have to figure out what...
Anyway..
Let me give u a super mini life update:
Music i'm listening to: Metric (Great band)
Fave food at the moment: Indian
Something I'm neglecting: Photography
Movies I've been watching like an addict: District B-13 1 & 2
Crafty thing: Crocheting a small rug.
Craving: Brownies
Wearing: Alot of black (as per usual)
Website Obsession: Twitter
Frustration: My Car, which better not have anything wrong with it.
Missing: Emma Rose
Worrying: About the my direction of my life.
What I Wants: 1960's movie called "My Six Love's" starring Debbie Reynolds
Ok I think that's it for now, Talk to y'all later!
*Side note* Still haven't gotten my hair cut..

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Love is our resistance...

Thinking about something my mother told me the other night...
but first a little bit of back story..
I have a very hard time sleeping at night,
which leads me to wander around the house at 2, 3 or even perhaps 4am..
I don't know why but this is how it is.
Usually I just occupy this time by reading, watching movies, listening to music, drawing or even the random painting. So I wander around the house.
As you know I was away for the last 2 weeks.
Now I would like to think that I still live at home because I can not afford to move out, but in reality I stay because I know how much my parents depend on me.
I guess it's just one of those things... anyway back to the beginning..

So I had just gotten back from N.C. I was doing my normal wandering thing and I guess my mother had gotten used to the house being quiet at night

(Don't get me wrong its not like I walking down the halls banging pots and pans when every ones asleep its more like you hear me walking around and moving things.)
So I woke her up and she said "Delilah" to which I replied "Yeah"

"Oh, it's you, I'm not used to hearing someone moving around at night."
"Sorry"
"It's ok, I missed it" after she said that she laughed and went back to sleep.
It was nice to know that I was missed,
that something so insignificant as my walking around the house.
It just made me think of my mother and my relationship,
It took a long time for her to accept me the way I am.
Now I doubt she would even blink an eye if I walked into the living room covered in glitter and feathers.
She would probably ask the regrettable question " What are you doing?"

So yeah that little thing got me thinking... about this lady..

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Sun tea...

Sun tea...
Sun tea...,
originally uploaded by Fairyflames4.
My mom used to make sun tea when I was a kid, and I used to think it was so gross, but at some point in time I started to like it. So today I made my own sun tea!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I always freeze when I'm thinking of words to say

A line from Eatmewhileimhot's the Point:
I don't wanna live with regret which is why my life is a mess

I feel like that encompasses how I feel right now, being in North Carolina was a total wake up call for me. I have so many things that I could bring to the world and I feel like I am fading away, but a big part of not doing anything is fear and I know it.
I know have written post like this and I am done waiting for my life to start, no one is going to start it for me, I am 23 years old and still wandering aimlessly, this doesn't seem right. So I'm going to try and work through my fear and put myself out there...

Also...

I realized I am terrible at telling stories, I pause far to much, forget part of the story and forget what part of the story I was up to. I think this is due to the way my brain works, sometimes I speak slow and I think too fast or I think fast and speak to fast whichleadsthewordstorunintoeachother.....
something like that...

But yeah here is list of some things that I feel are important life lessons:

1. Do not take Expired Medications
2. Do not travel 4 hours to see a guy unless you are
A: Dating, B: Married to or C: Going to kill... the said guy.
3. Do drink Firefly Vodka with Lemon aid
4. Do get your oil changed, car checked and make sure you check your coolant levels before a road trip.
5. If your not having fun at a bar make your own fun... or leave...
6. Always Pregame
7. If a guy does not have manners
(ie. hold doors open, offer to help you carry heavy bags, pays attention to you and talks to you with respect) then he doesn't deserve the time of day.
8. Try something new, at least once.
9. Don't go anywhere without some semblance of directions.
10. Always carry snacks on a road trip, you never know where there's going to be a gas station or rest stop.

Side note* I need to get my hair cut....

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Urban Wayward Youth... or .... Welcome to Nowhere

I am currently in North Carolina visiting my friend Nix.
She is probably one of the few people that could drag me here with only a slight struggle.
The trip was really good, you know for being in the south.
Honestly I am not a fan of the south, Not gonna lie.
So me, Nix and her friend which I will call San, took a little trip to a place called Roanoke Rapids which is right outside Raleigh NC and all I have to say right now is Wow.
I truly don't think my words would suffice so I will be stealing the lyrics of Paper Rivals' Alabama to describe the town:

This white trash sunset
no exit off of this freeway
this southern climate
humid kill vultures meal freeway
my redneck mistress
victory for those who leave this freeway
trailer suburbia
prison cell, part of hell freeway

state where fast is always slow
so the wind cant ever blow
hopelessly yours alabama

void of beauty for miles
three tooth smile, change the dial freeway
abandoned autos
one bedroom home for the drunk and stoned freeway
nothing ever sits just right
we'll escape this place tonight
hopelessly yours alabama
hopelessly yours alabama
hopelessly yours alabama

Yeah it was like that but scary and worse...